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Tunnel Vision
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Tunnel Vision |
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daleedmands New Member
since 2000-02-05
Posts 7 |
Tunnel Vision Every evening I enter this tunnel called winter, The new light at each day's end egging me on. It is not a long drive to the school, As if someone, or something has predetermined The exact amount of time, and coordinated it With the last stretch of musk melon sky That highlights the barren hulks of trees Surrounding the campus where shadows Of students move in quick silence against The night's chill. This is how the season Will pass- Each month's weather splattered On the walls of winter like so much graffiti, A collage of thaws and cold snaps, snowfall, And rain, unbearably bright days too frigid For fun, windy nights with too many stars, And a glowing monster of a moon, too close To make use of the new Christmas telescope. Until suddenly, on a late afternoon in April, The lingering light at the end of the tunnel Becomes a tunnel itself, an eternal portal Through which all things must enter, If this is why the sun returns to us again, And our hands push forward an hour of time With the swift and easy motion of a wing, As if small shapes and sounds depended on it. © Dale A. Edmands |
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| © Copyright 2000 daleedmands - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I enjoyed this up to 'Until suddenly, on a late afternoon in April' but I'm not sure what you are trying to do after that point. You've got some really great images in the first part of the poem but I think the rest should be expanded or shortened -- think you've moved more into telling us what happened rather than showing. Just an opinion, Brad |
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daleedmands New Member
since 2000-02-05
Posts 7 |
Brad: Thanks for the critique. If you follow from the beginning of the 'tunnel' (winter), the most obvious image would be 'the lingering light' at its(tunnel) end, which would be Spring, thus the shift into April, and those sequential images that we experience, arriving thru the same 'tunnel' (portal)from the opposite end; the sun, time change, and new growth and birth. Hope this sheds some'light' on the matter  ,and thank you again for your thoughtful review. Yours in verse, Dale [This message has been edited by daleedmands (edited 02-05-2000).] |
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