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Out to sea
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Out to sea |
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carolyn smale Junior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 20australia |
in your tattoo rose-dust clouds pulverised stars & bones nothing left except skin & squealing the big dipper up & down over the years creates its own electricity losing all its colour your voice vibrates like steel at 40 storeys your leached face voodoo mask glued to your skull hymn singing riots street entertainers there’s a gypsy waving at me monsoon swimming moon dimming looking out to sea |
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| © Copyright 2000 carolyn smale - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Carolyn, and welcome to Passions and the CA. Hah JB, I beat you to this one. Well, that's all. I must confess I just don't understand this kind of poetry so I really won't try to comment. I'm confident you will get answers from some of our other denizens, but I did want to welcome you. Have fun here with us and learn, or teach, as the case may be. Pete What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity -- sufficiently sublime in their simplicity -- for the mere enunciation of my theme? Edgar Allan Poe |
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Ted Reynolds Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 331 |
Take one -- Okay, I get to you early, so I'll have to be the one to stick my neck out and say "I don't know what it's about." I get furthest thinking of it in reference to someone's tattoos, but then I get confused by faily untattoo-able images "out to sea," "monsoon swimming." All in all, I end up not standing on a beach, not visualizing a person, not sure of what I'm supposed to be experiencing. Take two ; -- But sometimes it's not neccesary to *understand* -- when I read it for the flow of images and feelings, and forget any possible context, I find I'm very pleased (excited, even) with the first eight lines and the last four, while the ninth to eleventh seem to be too tied to the context I can't discover, and the next two seem to be irrelevant filler. So I'd want this either clarified, or even further musicalized away from the illusion of meaning. ABy the way, "skin & squealing" sure encapsulates *my* idea of a tattoo. Here, in my vague manner, I will stop. |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
hi there,i am new to poetry,so there are still many things i have to explore for myself.... Regret to say that i don't really get the gist of your poem(though i am deeply intrigued...)what is the link between the "big dipper losing all its colour" andhymns and street etertainers? do tell moi--i like to know") i can't give me a warm welcome here cos i am a new member here myself....ha!")  |
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carolyn smale Junior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 20australia |
thank you all for your comments. my poems have a somewhat open-ended element - ie. i want the reader to be able to use the images in their own way. i know people find them a bit hard to understand, although i find they "get used" to them and find it easier after a while! most of them are a description of a moment in my life. i feel as if it's "cheating" in a way to explain a poem (ie. the poet is cheating, not the readers) but maybe i will, more for my own benefit than anything. here goes: this is a poem about how desperate the desire to escape can be when you truly hate your partner. it is looking at a person's tattoo (or any part of them you hate) and that bringing out all those feelings of hate. the first verse is a description of the tattoo, but also of the relationship. "tattoo" - as well because it's something permanent, scars you forever, can't get rid of it etc. "rose-dust clouds" - colour of the tattoo but also tell about a dead love. ie. the roses he once brought are now dust. "pulverised stars and bones" - crushed dreams, broken bones - the usual. "nothing left except skin and squealing" - the "pain" of tattoo, the way it all started and also the way it all ends - different types of squealing. "the big dipper up and down over the years" - roller coaster ride. used it also cos this moment of hate happened at a carnival by the sea. "creates its own electricity" - seems to ride along all by itself after a while, boredom of relationship. "losing all its colour"- again the boredom. "your voice vibrates like steel at 40 storeys" - description that is meant to convey how hated the person's voice is. "your leached face" - again a loss of colour, loss of interest image as well as a description of a voodoo death mask. mask because he never shows her his real self anymore. used the voodoo one partly to fit with the carnival, "hymn singing riots" - crowds around the carnival, religious fanatics, brawls etc which remind her of their own relationship - righteous fights. "street entertainers" again all the petty histrionics of the partnership plus a bit of carnival atmosphere. i apologise there should be another line here "this humdrum road" - how this road full of "carnival colour" is to her so mundane because of the constant arguments it reminds her of. "ther's a gypsy waving at me" - gypsy makes her think of running away and escaping, but of course that would be running away to a "carnival" so how is that an escape? "monsoon swimming moon dimming looking out to sea" she looks away from the carnival, longingly out to sea. possibly her only escape. monsoon cos drowning is all she'd get, moon dimming - dreams don't last long. and generally her whole life is pretty "out to sea". i think this will make it clear as mud, sorry! i really don't make a habit of in depth explanations so don't worry i won't do this next time! thanks, carolyn. |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Carolyn: Now that Pete has introduced me I suppose I must make an appearance. Actually, it is no chore ... this one was a pleasure. "in your tattoo rose-dust clouds pulverised stars & bones nothing left except skin & squealing the big dipper up & down over the years creates its own electricity losing all its colour" This evokes an interesting image. There is a hint of aging in this stanza. Perhaps I am misreading but it seems that the rising and falling of the big dipper represents the passage of time and the fading or "losing" of "its colour" strengthens this belief. "your voice vibrates like steel at 40 storeys your leached face voodoo mask glued to your skull" Another hint at aging, but certainly not graceful aging. The voice and visual image of the face are certainly things I would want to flee. "hymn singing riots street entertainers" I haven't a clue WHERE the speaker in this happens to be. I don't think these lines had much more significance than to set up the following lines (bean me in the head if I am sorely mistaken). "there’s a gypsy waving at me monsoon swimming moon dimming looking out to sea" Perhaps rephrasing "there's a gypsy waving at me" would reinforce your message that the speaker would like to be able to join the gypsy. I read your explanation and don't think you've given the reader quite enought to reach that conclusion. "there's a gypsy waiving to me" would hint at a little more than a casual waive and, I think, better support your following images. Just my opinion. Thanks for an enjoyable read and welcome to Critical Analysis. Jim |
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