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For if a Woman Ever Brings our Child Into This World
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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For if a Woman Ever Brings our Child Into This World |
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Wordshaman Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 110Illinois, USA |
She sits with bowed head against cold winter window, An endless expanse of stars and skies out there, Expecting my child. Maybe she’s remembering a childhood When she wished upon those stars in innocence, When she was a youthful symbol of infinity-- Maybe she’s feeling a little tied down with child In her sepulcher in the city. . . It might be that she wishes it had never happened. To see her beaming in daylight you’d never guess, But if I’m fearful of what we’ve done,she has to be. Rubbing her eyes, A faint moisture collecting on her fingers, She hunches over further, Sure to spread her legs To make comfort for the baby. I quietly and religiously go over And hold the woman with whom I slept Just three hours before. Her head buries itself against my chest And her actions are of crying, But it’s silent, motionless. Beautiful. I’m glad she’s having my child. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Greg Butler - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Songbird Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184Missouri |
This is so beautiful, if is so nice to see something written, from a father's perspective of an unborn child. Very, very nice. |
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Wordshaman Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 110Illinois, USA |
Well, I'm glad you liked it, Sept...it was a wrenchingly vivid picture in my head, and I tried to record it as best I could...I hope it worked... Wordshaman |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
First the imagery then the "meaning" .. I don't mean to be in any way disrespectful to you WS (quite the reverse in fact) but this shows a startling sensitivity .. for a man .. lol. It is really quite moving in a similar way to the poem we have both just read by Chris. Your imagery in this piece is equally compelling and graphic, from that associated with the macro "the endless expanse of stars and skies" to the tiny details (the micro) "A faint moisture collecting on her fingers" .. as Brad would say "I love this stuff" ... I felt maybe there was a bit more to these lines: "I quietly and religiously go over And hold the woman with whom I slept Just three hours before." The word religiously normally carries an undertone of "duty" possibly even duty which is slightly onerous. This would accord with my thought that a common feature of male behaviour is to show less interest in a partner after sex. Yet despite this the speaker goes and holds and comforts his love, despite his fear of "what they have done" as well. I think all this adds still further to the sincerity and sensitivity of the speaker's emotions .. .. maybe men aren't so bad after all ..  Philip |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
WS: I was impressed by both the poetic movement and the emotional movement in this. I agree with Philip in respect to the level of sensitivity demonstrated here. It's one thing, under those circumstances, for a man to wonder about what she's thinking and feeling but it's quite another thing for a man to do the right thing. A sad commentary on our day, I think, but this poem was a refreshing reminder that all is not lost. If this is autobiographical or written about someone close to you, I assure you (or your friend) that the fear and uncertainty will be supplanted soon enough with an indescribable love for that child. Thanks for this read, WS. Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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Buffpimp Junior Member
since 2000-01-23
Posts 39 |
WS All I can say is WOW! I am glad to say that I read this poem. It is VERYY GOOOOD! I like how it was a story type intstead of those rhymning ones. They get monotonous. But wow! You have a great talent there. Keep up the good work. I loved it ALL, ESPECIALLY the imagery. |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Words, It is so good to see the tender, positive emotional side of your work. This is very touching...nice to see that a man can have such insight into a pregnant woman's emotional condition. Nice work, poet. Kristine |
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sirreen Junior Member
since 2000-01-16
Posts 19OR, USA |
Though I'm glad those days are behind me, it was very nice to be taken back (via your poem) to the time when my wife was also with child. It is a very rewarding, yet very trepidatious, time in the life of a couple. Your words indicate you are cherishing it to the fullest, as you should. Thank you sirreen "Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds" Albert Einstein |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Every now and then, I peek in here to see how you're doing....I feel such pride that you've joined our passions family..especially since you write so beautifully! Good poem sir! |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
wordshaman-- a very nice piece, very tender. "an endless expanse of stars and skies out there" i thought was just a little on the trite side; "wish[ing] upon the stars in innocence", actually, too. the last line i thought was a bit disappointing -- the speaker concluding that he's "glad" doesn't pack much of a punch -- although i suspect you were aiming at understatement here. but there is so much beauty and feeling in the piece, such a wonderful tone, and the image of the woman with her head against the speaker's chest silently crying is so wonderful, i have to say: great work. thanks for a good read. jenni |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
WS, Why must they always think men are insensitive? Acutally, that question is somewhat rhetorical. They think that because there is much truth in it. But this work proves that it is not necessarily always true. I can only agree with the others here, particularly Philip. You painted a portrait I could almost feel it was so vivid. And religiously, yes I think I have to just echo Philip's comments. Thanks. Pete What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity -- sufficiently sublime in their simplicity -- for the mere enunciation of my theme? Edgar Allan Poe |
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