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Song I wrote
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Song I wrote |
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kitkat Senior Member
since 2000-01-11
Posts 878Nova Scotia 
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New here to this forum. Would like some feed back on the lyrics of this song I wrote. It is a country song. I can not write musical notes but have a tune in my head. Anyone out there that can help me or suggest revisions would be appreciated. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Where To Begin Four o’clock in the morning and I’m walking the floor I begin to worry cause you ain”t been through the door Six 0”clock in the morning and the rain begins to fall I check the telephone lines cause you haven”t even called *** Don’t you know you’ve gone and broken my heart and if you leave me now I don”t know where to start To start my life again I don”t know where to begin **** Eight o”clock in the morning and I’m getting out of bed I just sit here and wonder about all the things we said Ten o’clock in the morning and I can’t help but wonder why I just hang my head, I begin to cry **** Don”t you know you’ve gone and broken my heart and if you leave me now I don’t know where to start to start my life again I don”t know where to begin **** Days go by weeks pass on months turn into years And these big ole eyes of mine still fill up with tears Lovers come and lovers go but my hearts with you Oh my darling my feelings still are true **** Don’t you know you’ve gone and broken my heart and if you leave me now I don’t know where to start To start my life again I don”t know where to begin I Don”t know where to begin Lyrics by: Kathy Harmon copyright June, 1993 |
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| © Copyright 2000 Kathy Harmon - All Rights Reserved | |||
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
kitkat: though i honestly dont care for country music, i can try and critique the words for you... the one change that i note that might effect the meaning of the lyrics is that i would suggest you change "to start my life again I don”t know where to begin" to "I'd start my life again, but I don't know where to begin"... just an idea... it doesn't seem as clear the way you have it now... sincerely, jerome the boy that wants more kool-aid A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
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Chris Goodman Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 92Issaquah, Washington usa |
Hi there, Thanks for sharing. I love music and poems....they kind of go together like peanut butter and jelly. Anyway, I don't think there is much wrong with your song. You have really expressed yourself well. I think in the first paragraph I would delete the word "even" and use we've instead of we. Other than that, it all looks great! Have fun....out there. Chris |
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kitkat Senior Member
since 2000-01-11
Posts 878Nova Scotia |
Thanks Jerome and Chris for the feedback. I will work on some of your suggestions. -------------- You got to get up every morning with a smile on your face and show the world all the love in your heart Then people are gonna treat you better You're gonna find, yes you will That your beautiful as you feel.~~~ Carol King |
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Vincent Spaulding Member
since 2000-01-16
Posts 59 |
I like your song, especially its surprise ending--that this isn't just a recent loss, but one from many years before. It sort of reminds me of the ending to Emily Dickinson's "Chariot," which speaks of her encounter with death, but in the end you're surprised to learn that she is not among the recent dead, but died many centuries before. |
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