Another Day Comes To An End

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merely_a_jester
Member

since 2000-01-14

Posts 67
Arkansas... that's all you get

0 posted 2000-01-28 12:04 PM

He draws his last breath,
In,
And in it he sees the sun to the west,
Its rays seem to cry for his help,
But to no avail,
The daughter of morning,
Is snatched for ransom,
By her dark uncle,
Twilight is his partner,
And morning pays,
So the whole process can repeat,
And morning is sad,
Her depression is complete,
Her tears,
Our rain,
The other stars watch with sympathy,
But none see him,
As he sinks to a maroon floor,
His skin is leaking and,
His heart tries to fill the void,
Out,
Wind issues from him,
Visible,
But disapaiting,
And he weeps,
His reflection off of hard steel,
Sharp,
And red,
As are his wrists,
But he does not cry for help,
For it is too late,
The world grows dark twice,
For him,
His tears fall to the floor,
The curtains flare,
As the world breaths,
Mockingly,
He is too weak,
Yet he feels remorse,
And as he joins the stars,
And beyond,
He wishes,
Full of sorrow,
For another breath.

To Be, contents his natural desire,
He asks no Angel's wing, no Seraph's fire;

Alexander Pope, "An Essay On Man"

poetry_kills
Senior Member

since 1999-12-04

Posts 549
new orleans

1 posted 2000-01-28 08:15 PM

jester: i like this one a lot also... i have to say that the first 3 and the last 5 lines are my favorites... very interesting imagery there... i'm still trying to comprehend seeing the sun in a breath... ^_^* normally i dont like one-syllable lines (as in your second one) but for some reason i think this one fits well into the structure of the poem... i also like the movement in the poem from taking a breath at the beginning to wishing for a breath at the end... very good work...

sincerely,
jerome the boy who wants more kool-aid

A savage place! as holy and enchanted
As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted
By woman wailing for her demon-lover!
~Coleridge

merely_a_jester
Member

since 2000-01-14

Posts 67
Arkansas... that's all you get

2 posted 2000-01-29 11:04 PM

poetry_kills:thank you very much for your kind comments... this poem is my favorite (of the ones i have written) and it means a lot that you would be kind to it... it means something to me for personal reasons and just thanks once again

To Be, contents his natural desire,
He asks no Angel's wing, no Seraph's fire;

Alexander Pope

Poertree
Senior Member

since 1999-11-05

Posts 1359
UK

3 posted 2000-01-30 04:50 PM

Hi Jester

The poem certainly doesn't reflect the name. I usually try to "avoid" "suicide" poetry for the simple reason that quite often it is written from the heart and touches on some very raw emotional experiences in the writer's life.. This seems maybe to be the case here .. so all I would say was that it was very effective in making me feel uncomfortable .. which I guess is what you may have intended ..

To that extent I think you were sucessful

..

Philip

warmhrt
Senior Member

since 1999-12-18

Posts 1563

4 posted 2000-01-30 06:57 PM

Jester,
This is raw emotion, pain...and I hope that it was you as speaker, speaking of another, and not of yourself. That kind of pain is worse than any physical hurt could ever be, and I would wish it on no one. You did a good job expressing the emotion and with imagery, although, I, like Philip do not care for this subject matter.
Keep up the good work, hopefully on a bit of a lighter theme.

Kristine

merely_a_jester
Member

since 2000-01-14

Posts 67
Arkansas... that's all you get

5 posted 2000-01-30 11:18 PM

poertree:well, i'm not happy that i made you uncomfortable, though i am not regretful for making you experience an emotion because of my written words. please accept my apologies and my thanks as well

warmhrt:as i said before, this is a very personal poem (aka. me) and actually it is against suicide... though it is still about it...

but, anyway, thank you both for your honest replies...

To Be, contents his natural desire,
He asks no Angel's wing, no Seraph's fire;

Alexander Pope

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