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Critical Analysis #1
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Kevin Taylor
Member
since 1999-12-23
Posts 185
near Vancouver, BC, Canada

0 posted 2000-01-28 04:17 AM


.
I am the fulcrum
the base
and the lever

I am the space
and the form
and the game

I am the maker
the vessel
the dreamer
the teller
the namer
the cymbal
un-named

I am the vision
the vista
the seer

I am the lintel
the door and the
frame

I am the lock
the key
and the knocker
the handle
the pause
and the knocker again

I am the palm
and the fist
and the shoulder

I am the sole
and the road
and the stride

I am the zephyr
the still
and the echo
I am the reason
the song and the rhyme

 Kevin

"Poetry is, at once, what you get... and how you got there."


© Copyright 2000 Kevin Taylor - All Rights Reserved
patchoulipumpkin
Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 196
Bermuda
1 posted 2000-01-28 04:50 AM


Hello Walt Whitman..  Good poem, i liked it, especially the last couple of lines
I am the reason'
The song and the rhyme

Very cool..

Trevor
Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700
Canada
2 posted 2000-01-28 11:25 AM


Hello,

I liked the concept and theme (reminded me of Buddhism for some reason but I'm guessing its about a generic "higher power" and the answer to it all) however the content just didn't grab me enough. I think what turned me off a bit was the repetition, it seemed to be too much of it. Perhaps consider breaking up the reps with a different stanza mid-poem, one with a little more meat on it and then return to the reps. Just an idea. ANyways, an interesting read and a good attempt at describing something that is everything. Thanks and take care,
Trevor

[This message has been edited by Trevor (edited 01-28-2000).]

haze
Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528
Bethlehem, PA USA
3 posted 2000-01-28 11:56 AM


I disagree with Trevor...

I loved the lyrical play...the depth in the simple (yet complex) string of images!
And we are everything unto ourselves...
Grand Kudos!

Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA
4 posted 2000-01-28 01:21 PM


I'm with Haze on this one. A very simple structure with a fascinating almost rhyme scheme. This almost seemed to sing itself to me.

Nice work. Thanks.


 Pete

What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity --
sufficiently sublime in their simplicity --
for the mere enunciation of my theme?
Edgar Allan Poe



Local Rebel
Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767
Southern Abstentia
5 posted 2000-01-28 01:44 PM


I think this to be excellent work.  

It does have a very nice flow to it -- all the way up until the end where I tripped over those last few lines and broke my elbow..kind of a hard landing Captain... LOL but it's still quite good...

The 'I Am' theme could be interpreted as Trevor read it though since it is the Hebrew name for god -- 'I Am'=Yaweh

jenni
Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478
Washington D.C.
6 posted 2000-01-28 01:53 PM


kevin--

simply beautiful.  loved this one.

jenni

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