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A long and winding road: the last half of the journey
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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A long and winding road: the last half of the journey |
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merely_a_jester Member
since 2000-01-14
Posts 67Arkansas... that's all you get |
A seraphim flies over my head as i walk thru this world of dead making my way to an earthy bed one day to call my own and in the lofty heights i find things play soften tricks of kind that warp and spay and taunt my mind of things i've never known watched over by my heavenly friend the remaining hours and days i'll spend searching for a fitting end of which i can atone to raise above that firey hell of fire and brim and soot and smell where pleasures end and tormented yell and hope i'm not alone for while that grace is so sweet another like me i've yet to meet for the callouses about my feet have given way to bone and my fatigued body begins to sway as night goes on and conquers day and i walk on with the wolves at bay with my few smooth stones and sling in hand i'm willing to fight for things of war considered right and scared for my life i might betray that holy throne who's guide has been so kind to me has watched me close but let me be and reports what my God can see and what he can't condone. Are scarecrows just like men, and do you hold That a false coin is just as good as gold? Moliere, "Tartuffe" |
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Wordshaman Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 110Illinois, USA |
It's sort of eloquent...but I'm not sure exactly what it's trying to say. There didn't seem to be a point to it. Maybe it's another one of my poetic shortcomings, but... Also, the rhyme is singsongy and repetitive...I didn't know exactly what to make of that. [This message has been edited by Wordshaman (edited 01-26-2000).] |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
jester: i like this one best of the few pieces of yours i've read (although i did like that segment of "death of an acting troupe" quite a bit)... i particularly like the lines "for the callouses about my feet/ have given way to bone"... the imagery is quite provocative and the idea in the poem is interesting... something i've often felt myself... i really like the last two lines and the way they bring the ideas and images to a central meaning... the one structural thing i might suggest is that you break the poem up into perhaps 3 stanzas (for the catgorizing of different thoughts)... the breaks i percieve are between lines 16 & 17 (...not alone/ for while...) and lines 23 & 24 (...at bay/ with my...)... just a suggestion.. i may have misunderstood the flow of the poem... sincerely, jerome the boy with the plagarized love A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
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merely_a_jester Member
since 2000-01-14
Posts 67Arkansas... that's all you get |
wordshaman: thank you for the critique. the poem has a sort of religious undertone, or at least i was hoping that that would come across, and that was where i was hoping the point would come from. as for the rhyme scheme, i dunno where it came from, i just thought it sounded interesting to do it that'a way poetry_kills:thank you for the kind words. i'm not sure if i want to seperate the stanzas... mostly because it would mean i would have to exert energy to enter those spaces in and you know how lazy i am... merely_a_jester |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
jester: yes, i know how lazy you are, but i'm not one to complain  by the way... when are you going to finish "death of an acting troupe"? you've had it for half a year now...sincerely, jerome the boy with the catholic saxophone A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
jester-- an interesting piece. it would be very helpful to divide it into stanzas, at least in the way jerome suggests, although i don't see why it can't be every four lines. and please think about changing the title? i can't get that beatles song out of my head now. jenni |
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