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Sonnet (Thanks to Jerome, Jenni & Philip)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Sonnet (Thanks to Jerome, Jenni & Philip) |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash 
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In vain is all this talk of golden goose And quill from whence are said to flow the words That clothe the truest love while cutting loose Our captive passions from their bonds. What girds Our verse with strength is not a bard's blessed feather Plucked from a blessed goose. A kiss bestowed By Shakespeare’s Muse does not determine whether Our words endure or (if withheld) corrode. Love’s absence dulls the sharpest golden quill, It turns the lovely Muse into a shrew, It slows the mighty river to a rill, But all is cured when Cupid’s aim is true. Love is the ink that paints the vellum sheet, The balm that soothes stubbed toes on Shakespeare’s feet. < !signature--> Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther [This message has been edited by jbouder (edited 01-25-2000).] |
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Ted Reynolds Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 331 |
Very good indeed. I've been sitting here for some while trying to think of something "critical" to say, and all I come up with is that short beat in the fourth line (and your the meter-man, so it can't be accindtal, but it jarred) -- and more jarring, the last line, which would end *another* and more flippant poem perfectly . . . but maybe not this one. Again, though, I'm sure that line wasn't inadvertantly placed here. Back to my orignal feeling that this is just great. (Even if I don't think "love" by *itself* is enough for great poetry.) |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Yes unfortunately Jim i have to say this is rather good ...  . Especially liked the play on "blessed" and "bless ED", and the final line.....lol.Actually the final couplet of mine was intended to convey exactly the same message ie when quill breaks and magic fades love will still supply the muse.... Liked it a lot  Philip |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Jim, having followed this series all the way, this seems an excellent response (or addition) to those by Jerome, Jenni and Philip. In that light, I thought the couplet was outstanding, although if I had not read them, the reference to feet might have been obscure. I also wonder about the missing foot in the fourth line. Did you just make a typo or what? Well done and keep up the good work. It's good to have you back in sonnets, BTW. Pete What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity -- sufficiently sublime in their simplicity -- for the mere enunciation of my theme? Edgar Allan Poe |
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Hawk183 Member
since 1999-12-24
Posts 130 |
Jim, Great poem! I think this is the first poem I have read of yours with the subject of love...you present this just as well. I really like, "It turns the lovely Muse into a shrew.." Thanks for the read! Hawk |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Jimteach, Bravo! Great piece, and the reason why I'm Grasshoppa. Tiny note: I stumbled just a bit over the fifth line with "blessed feather" at the end. For those of us who are not as educated in sonnets, it may help if it was "bless'd" instead, allowing smoother reading of that line. So glad you got away from history. You handled this subject well, and it was so much more pleasant to read.warmhrt |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
jim-- very nice indeed. you must have edited the piece after ted and pete had a look at it; line 4 looks perfect to me. good job. who's turn is it next? jenni |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Everyone: Just a quick point of clarification. Both uses of "blessed" are pronounced with two syllables ("bless-ed"). Lines 5 and 7 are 11 syllables long. The last syllables in each are feminine (non-stressed) endings. This is considered by many (including Shakespeare, evidently) an acceptible variation in iambic verse. Ted & Pete: Thanks for the catch on Line 4. I shot one of my feet and forgot to replace it with a prosthesis. And Pete, it's good to be back in sonnets, btw. Free-verse ... no rules, no structure ... *shiver*.Ted: The last line is only half-way tongue in cheek (it's more than just a flippant line). "Shakespeare's feet" refer to iambic feet (thanks for the inspiration Jenni) and the "stubbed toes" represent imperfections in iambic verse that don't seem to matter so much when true love finds it's way in print. Thanks Hawk, WH & Jenni too. Jenni ... your being so nice is making me nervous. Later. Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
And now Jim has entered into this Renaisance revival. I'm enjoying reading them but, guys, don't make a habit of it, okay. Yeah, right, like I could do anything about it. Brad |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Jim You're wrong about line 5! "Our verse with strength is not a blessed feather" Lets be clear about this; the cleverness of lines 5 and 6 resides in the fact that at least in Queens English and (UK?) "slang" the words "blessed" and "bless ED" have very different meanings. As I'm not such whether I'm dealing with a language barrier here, at risk of being patronising, I'll spell it out for you . Blessed .... as in to hold in reverence Bless ED ... as used as an intensive < no one gave us a bless-ed penny Used in this way line 5 is surely Blessed ie the most excellent magic feather .. no irony present. But then line 6 twists this around using Bless ED to betray the poet's mischievous impatience with the whole ridiculous notion of a magic goose ..... This has the merit ?? of making line 5: Our VERSE with STRENGTH is NOT a BLESSED fea THER (I suppose though you are going to say "THER" is not naturally stressed ...lol) Ohhhh well I guess I just attributed too much cunning to you in the first place .... Philip |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Philip: Tank ya much fer da enlight'ning Inglish less'n Philip. Okay, Philip, get out your calendar ... I was wrong about Line 5. But now it's fixed and nobody else has to know that Philip over-estimated Jim's cunning. Thanks for the catch, my pedantic friend. Brad: This is a reformation, not a revival. We're looking to stomp out all of you anti-establishment types. Everyone: Thanks for your comments and suggestions. All of you were very helpful in helping me lose a good bit of the chaff in this one. Later. Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Oh, I think Jim is plenty cunning. It's just that he, like most of us "colonists", doesn't quite speak English. Or so my Brit cousin tells me. Pete What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity -- sufficiently sublime in their simplicity -- for the mere enunciation of my theme? Edgar Allan Poe |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
the saga continues .....lol |
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