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Critical Analysis #1

To My Valentine

Saxoness

Senior Member

since 1999-07-18

Posts 1102
Texas

0 posted 2000-01-23 08:40 PM

ok guys, this was a challenge from PdV and it just seems like there is something...missing. Any ideas?

To My Valentine

Once upon
A time
There was
Truth to the
Myth of what
You
And I
Had found
In a blank paged
Fairy tale.

Snow white
Doesn't sleep
In a casket made of
Glass
Slippers will break
If you wear them.

Walk across this
Written word
With fingers
Gently
Seeking
Loving
You
And me
No more.

He loves
Me
He loves me!
Not…
Enough.

To:
My Valentine
Will you
Be mine
No longer…

~ Angela Erin Burke ~

"Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone
I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me."

-Charles Brugnot

Wendy Flora
Member

since 2000-01-11

Posts 182
Virginia

1 posted 2000-01-24 06:08 PM

I think it turned out beautifully!

(just my own humble opinion...) -wen

"Well she wants to live her life,
then she thinks about her life...
Pulls her hair back as she screams,
I don't really want to live this life!"
-Train "Meet Virginia"

Hawk183
Member

since 1999-12-24

Posts 130

2 posted 2000-01-24 06:12 PM

What a sad tale!
I can't really tell you what's missing...I like the poem the way it is...
Thank you for the read...

Hawk

Saxoness

Senior Member

since 1999-07-18

Posts 1102
Texas

3 posted 2000-01-29 05:06 PM

Thanks you guys! But I still feel something is missing...any other ideas?

"Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone
I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me."

-Charles Brugnot

Rex Allen McCoy
Member Elite

since 2000-01-30

Posts 2863
Sippin a Timmy's in London

4 posted 2000-01-30 07:02 PM

Hello
I liked you poem
As best I can tell
what seems to be missing
is the ever elusive 'magic words'
to make it right between two
parting souls.
If you should ever master the spell...
please share the words.

Rex

warmhrt
Senior Member

since 1999-12-18

Posts 1563

5 posted 2000-01-30 10:44 PM

I think that this was very well done. I just feel sorry for the guy who's gonna get it!

Kristine

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