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warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563


0 posted 2000-01-20 12:45 PM


on thunder clouds, he rides,
bold and dark,
carrying the weight of storms,
each time he speaks,
lightening blazes.

She lies high upon soft white wisps,
lightness about her,
the sun's rays shine right through,
each time she speaks,
gentle breezes waft and wane.

when they meet, it is hidden,
within thickness of gray and white,
they nurture the earth,
calling forth spring eternal,
in rythmic outpours.

warmhrt


© Copyright 2000 warmhrt - All Rights Reserved
jenni
Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478
Washington D.C.
1 posted 2000-01-20 04:20 PM


warmhrt--

mmm, another nice one from you... liked it alot, very nice imagery here.

jenni

jbouder
Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash
2 posted 2000-01-20 04:47 PM


WH:

Hey Grasshopper.  I liked the imagery here as well.  I think you could do better than "dark" and "blazes" in the first stanza, though.  I like the sound of "gentle breezes waft and wane".  I was unsure, at first, about the use of "wane" to describe diminishing wind but after a little bit of thought, I think it works well here.

Later.  

Jim

Kirk T Walker
Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357
Liberty, MO
3 posted 2000-01-20 05:33 PM


I, too, enjoyed the imagery.  This poem has a good sound to it.  I am a little confused: Are the two separate characters supposed to be different fronts that meet to cause rain?  I am a little lost on the exact meteorological context (mostly because I don't know much about the weather, heck, I don't even watch the weather on TV).  I really liked the last lines (very romantic).
warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563

4 posted 2000-01-20 06:19 PM


Thanks, jen, glad you enjoyed.

Jim,
I had just about every other word that would fit after lightening ...
Didn't really think about dark ...
You pick em, teach, my brain is nearly nonfunctional right now.  Thanks for reading, and commenting ... I always appreciate it.

Kirk,
It's not about weather, hope you enjoyed it.

warmhrt

tucsonwoman
New Member
since 2000-01-05
Posts 4

5 posted 2000-01-20 09:07 PM


I really like this one. You do have a way with words.
warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563

6 posted 2000-01-21 12:12 PM


Cassie,
So nice to hear from you again. Hope you're doing well.  Tell John we miss him around here, and for him to quit playing computer games instead of writing poetry.  He's such a good poet.
Kris

Willem
Member
since 1999-11-18
Posts 139
Inverness, FL, USA
7 posted 2000-01-21 12:13 PM


I love to read and write poems about God's creation, whether they describe "Mother" nature or human nature. The interesting and
beautiful poem you showed us here is unique, because it presents what I would call a bidirectional kind of metaphoric picture of human characteristics intermingled with global natural phenomena. You might want to read my poem "Monsoon Rain", which I posted a while ago.

Willem



Vincent Spaulding
Member
since 2000-01-16
Posts 59

8 posted 2000-01-21 07:41 AM


I see in your poem the coming of Spring with all its trappings--joy, love, gaity.  An enduring theme in mythology.  You've cleverly personified it as a romance.

The first stanza is particularly picturesque--reminding me of Stephen Crane's Dark Riders. (S.C. is my favorite poet.)

warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563

9 posted 2000-01-21 10:56 AM


Willem and Vincent,
you have both captured the essence of the poem well, Vincent even moreso.  Thank you both for your kind comments.

warmhrt

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