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Critical Analysis #1
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Untitled (for a reason)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Untitled (for a reason) |
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Kevin Taylor Member
since 1999-12-23
Posts 185near Vancouver, BC, Canada 
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. I am not your teacher; having taught the teachless only points to lessons learned, unlearned and learned again. I am not your keeper, keeping keepless vigils kept, much less your sentinel, your king, your judge, your fool. I am the am of I. Alone. One-All. Swimming spaceless. Beyond the stretch where vision is blindness - where photons tumble like Phaethon from his chariot for hire. Beyond that. I have seen you there. The you of are. Where. Where is here of now. You. (As far as brittle eyes concede.) Are. Kevin "Poetry is, at once, what you get... and how you got there." |
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| © Copyright 2000 Kevin Taylor - All Rights Reserved | |||
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
KevinTaylor... Poetically: This is phenominal work... Its honed and pointed message is clear... What I take from it, as I read (and re-read&re-read&...) I'm thinking...what we are seeing is an unfolding of philosophy, a direction to the reader that they are already (entered into the existential realm in being light & weightless) "Swimming spaceless. Beyond the stretch where vision is blindness - where photons tumble like Phaethon from his chariot for hire. Beyond that." and have only to look within themselves to find it (themselves)! KUDOS! (and you can let me know if I am on-tract with the philo-theory.) [This message has been edited by haze (edited 01-18-2000).] |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Kevin: This is spoken with strength, my friend. So self assured is the narrator ... until ... "(As far as brittle eyes concede)". Very well done here. While I am not an Existentialist philosophically (we are all existentialists practically, I think), I appreciate the influence in this poem. Well written, well thought. Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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Kevin Taylor Member
since 1999-12-23
Posts 185near Vancouver, BC, Canada |
Hop Skip Jump! Thank you Haze and Jim. The poem ... I had to look up existential again. Thought I might remember it from school or another lifetime but I was wrong. There may be some influence there, Jim. The poem has been criticized for the last lines which tend to weaken the force of the poem but I thought that they effectively transfered attention from the narrator to the audience. Philo-wise it is right along your lines, haze. I look at the "honed" comments and I get the image of a poet sitting and crafting hour after hour, balancing and testing.. sort of an alchemy. And I have to blush because I often just sit and write.. like this one... in about 10 minutes. Of course, what led up to it might have taken lifetimes... Kevin "Poetry is, at once, what you get... and how you got there." |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
Not quite on the honing comments kevin... *LOL* You NEVER want to see a comment I typed without re-reading it (you never want an email from me either..*g*). I am the world's worst typist. I am also a dang-lousy speller. So now...I can guess why its untitled...care to share? Til Again ~haze |
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Kevin Taylor Member
since 1999-12-23
Posts 185near Vancouver, BC, Canada |
Untitled? For what reason? Most folks supply their own reasons to justify the claim. Sort of... to avoid potentially missing an obvious point and being branded silently by one and all as a dullard. But I did have a reason when I wrote that. It was a comment on us as beings and not the poem. Titles are a compliment to poetry and an affectation of souls. We are all, deep down, untitled. I know.... esoteric. But it reads well. < !signature--> Kevin "Poetry is, at once, what you get... and how you got there." [This message has been edited by kevintaylor (edited 01-18-2000).] |
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J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
Kevin, Once again a brilliant piece. I'm awestruck by the way you are able to come up with ideas that impact me so deeply. You are a tremendous poet. When something can be applied both personally and on a world-view it is truly something great. Good job. J.L.H. Jason I...I have seen the best minds of my generation... --Allen Ginsberg |
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Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
Now this is really pissing me off tonight....I've read and critiqued a few poems and I've got nothing really bad to say about them. This poem I thought was terrific. Great message, great wording, fantastic flow and I reallllly loved the ending. The only suggestions I have are, "I am the am of I. Alone. One-All." Personally I liked the meaning behind "One-All" but somehow it didn't seem to fit in for me. Perhaps consider rewording that line and incorperating it all into one sentece?? "Alone I am the am of I of all", dunno...what'cha think? Also I didn't like the line "Phaethon from his chariot for hire." and not because I don't know of that mythology but because of a personal distaste for references instead of actual descriptions. Kinda always rubs me as saying, "It's like that Jimmi Hendrix song" instead of saying, "The electric twang rung like a bell anthem for freedom", well the example is crapola but I think ya get what I was driving at. Hate seeing gifted writers take the easy way out or rely on shortcuts. But to be honest the poem still works regardless. But besides those two little suggestions I can offer nothing else but praise for a powerful and wonderful poem. Thanks for the read and take care, Trevor |
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Ama Zhu Zhu Junior Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 25Taipei, Taiwan |
wow this moves me [This message has been edited by Ama Zhu Zhu (edited 01-19-2000).] |
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Kevin Taylor Member
since 1999-12-23
Posts 185near Vancouver, BC, Canada |
Hi Trevor ~ I understand your feeling that One-All bit didn't fit. I will mull on it. Don't promise much though because it achieved 2 things at once for me... said what I meant... and allowed me to congratulate myself at my cleverness. I would usually edit out the clever bits but this time I chose to keep it. At least until I get through this peer review at which time it may be cast aside with an I-knew-that-all-along look. But the Phaethon bit is another matter. It is not entirely a reference to myth. The line goes "where photons tumble like Phaethon" Phaethon is a small asteroid whose orbit brings it close to the sun causing it to release fragments of dust which enter the Earth's atmosphere as meteors... hence photons. The fact that the mythology is right up there with fact is doubly delicious to me. And so I used both to create the single image. All of which may not endear Phaethon to you but it might tell you how I got there. My own attention sticks on "Where. Where is here of now." and I may change it to "Where. Here is where of now." Suggestions most welcome. Thanks Kevin "Poetry is, at once, what you get... and how you got there." |
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Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
Hello, I liked your idea on changing to "Where. Here is where of now." though I didn't stumble on the doubled "Where. Where" part....just thought I'd let ya know. Also on the Phaethon thingy, thanks for the low-down on the asteroid part but you were right, it still isn't all that endearing to me (in fact makes that part a little confusing with trying to include the double meaning within your wording)....and I still think you're taking a bit of a shortcut  Anyways that's my penny and a half, take care, Trevor |
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