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warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563


0 posted 2000-01-17 01:20 AM


she can withstand no more,
she knows she must go,
running blindly into
the concealment of night,
her gray matter pulsing,
pushing against her skull,
sending shockwaves that
she can feel in her toes.

she opens the red door,
shiny as glass,
slides in behind the controls,
the seat cradling her gently,
and she turns the key,
opens the headlamps,
looks for clearance,
and hits reverse,
out into the road,
and into first,
popping the clutch
as she gets to third.

on her way,
flying through the night,
seeking open roads
where she can soar,
testing her skills,
and those of her beloved ride.

the road she has been
searching for is beneath her now,
and she settles in at seventy-five,
finding at last,
some relaxation,
freedom from vexation,
she pops in a cd ... sings along,
as headlights cut
through the blackness,
a path going nowhere,
doesnt matter ... no,
nothin' matters now,
she's in flight.

warmhrt

© Copyright 2000 warmhrt - All Rights Reserved
patchoulipumpkin
Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 196
Bermuda
1 posted 2000-01-17 01:54 AM


this is pretty cool, and its a great idea of flying while driving.  If i can make a suggestion, try if you can to whittle the words and language down a bit to sort of help create the anxious, tense, build up to the "flight".  For example, make the language a bit stronger,

she can't take it anymore
She's had enough
She runs blindly into
The night
Her matter pulsing
Pushing against her skull
Sending shockwaves that
Hit her toes

She opens the red door
That shines like glass
And slides into her cockpit

The seat cradles her gently
She turns the key...

I don't know if this helps any, but if you can capture the tension of "flight" with the words it gives the poem just a little bit more strength.  I did enjoy it...

warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563

2 posted 2000-01-17 10:24 AM


Thanks again for reading, and advising Patch. This time, though, I like it the way it is ... to me, it conveys the feelings just as I want to say them. I'm glad you enjoyed it, though.

Sincerely,
warmhrt

haze
Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528
Bethlehem, PA USA
3 posted 2000-01-17 11:14 AM


WARMHRT-DAMN!

My grandmom used to do that...take flight on a drive to (anywhere). I dislike driving so its not something I relate to, except through this verse...I could feel the escape, the freedom of the road and the wind...washing it off...GREAT WORK POET!

I see you like it as it is...you know I would hone it down, dispense with the "she"'s & "her"'s just to tighten it but I like the softer language, goes along with my visual as above.

Til Again
~haze

warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563

4 posted 2000-01-17 06:49 PM


haze,
Thank-you once again,  glad you enjoyed.  When I'm a granny,  I'll be the best driver on the road ...and the quickest.                  

Hawk183
Member
since 1999-12-24
Posts 130

5 posted 2000-01-17 06:57 PM


Warmhrt,

I like the first stanza of this poem the best...I could see this woman sitting,maybe rocking back and forth, before she makes her bolt for the door.  This was exellent, a wonderful expression of life's little "vacations."

Hawk

warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563

6 posted 2000-01-17 07:55 PM


Thanks, Hawk ... glad to know you were able to picture that image from the first stanza.
That's what I was hoping to do.

warmhrt

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