navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #1 » A Poem
Critical Analysis #1
Post A Reply Post New Topic A Poem Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563


0 posted 2000-01-17 12:57 PM


words one does not speak,
beating on the bars
of the mind
which holds
them captive,
until the pen
is put to paper,
and as ink flows,
the prisoners escape
hidden within
thoughts and perceptions,
released with
pardoned emotions,
and free to now
face the light.

warmhrt




[This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 01-17-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 warmhrt - All Rights Reserved
patchoulipumpkin
Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 196
Bermuda
1 posted 2000-01-17 01:58 AM


This poem, gives me imagery of the death penalty for some reason.  That the ideas are "executed", when they are put on the page.  Interesting.  

ONe thing, in the second stanza you start it off, with "until the pen is put to paper..." and then describe in follwing sequence what happens to the prisoners.  The idea that struck me is why not stop the first stanza where it is.  And open the next one with, Until ...... and then explain how the prisoners are trapped in there, what the prisoners are going through.  In other words ,explain what the "ideas" are going through before they can get out.  This is a great idea, definitely go with it.

warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563

2 posted 2000-01-17 10:13 AM


Thanks, Patch ... I did mean it to feel like prisoners, but not of execution, only of release. In referring to the facing the light, I was attempting to convey that they would be seen, and judged, by others. I'll work with it. Thank you for your advice ... I sincerely do appreciate it.

warmhrt


[This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 01-17-2000).]

Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA
3 posted 2000-01-17 05:22 PM


I thought the imagery was just great here. That's certainly one thing I do not do very well and I am awed by someone who does it as well as you consistently do. Thanks.


 Pete

Hawk183
Member
since 1999-12-24
Posts 130

4 posted 2000-01-17 05:37 PM


Warmhrt,

So many time I have wnted to say...to say...something,yet the words only found a home on paper...you have created a wonderful metaphor here. I really enjoyed it!

Hawk

warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563

5 posted 2000-01-17 06:35 PM


Pete,
Awed? Oh, my gawd! Naw!  Thanks, I do truly appreciate your comments. If they're really flattering, though, I find it hard to take them graciously.

Hawk,
I really am glad I can bring a little interest to the world and to you ... Thank you very much.

Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA
6 posted 2000-01-18 10:09 AM


Warmhrt,
Sorry, didn't mean to be overly flattering or embarass you, but you do have a way with pretty words that I only wish for.


 Pete

warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563

7 posted 2000-01-18 10:18 AM


Pete,
You weren't over-flattering if you spoke truly of the way you felt, and I was not really embarrassed, just find it difficult to respond to such comments. And I do sincerely appreciate them.

warmhrt

tucsonwoman
New Member
since 2000-01-05
Posts 4

8 posted 2000-01-18 07:48 PM


Hello, I am not a poet, nor a critic, I am a reader of poems. You put how I often feel very well. Thank you.    
warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563

9 posted 2000-01-18 10:17 PM


Hey, TW,
How are you? All's well, I hope. Glad you like my work.

Blessings,
warmhrt

jenni
Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478
Washington D.C.
10 posted 2000-01-18 10:47 PM


tucsonwoman?  THE tuscon woman???  as in cassie?  welcome!
Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #1 » A Poem

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary