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A Portrait of Death
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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A Portrait of Death |
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Wordshaman Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 110Illinois, USA |
Gregory Corso once said, “Death weeps because Death is human, Spending all day in a movie when a child dies.” Death, wrapped in her solemn shroud with her Sickle and hour glass in hand, Walks our sallow streets putting her Emaciated hand on passersby To bring them upon their time. And never without a regret. She loves life as much as the next, But when it’s time, it’s time. She has a list to work from. She is a servant of God. Looking out her black window in her free time, Death wrings her hands and wishes She could know love. Death knows very few admirers Who wouldn’t feel cheated If she touched them today. Death has held souls strangulating On self-inflicted rope, Her cool embrace release from the choking. Death spends the day in parks Watching children play Only to end up thinking she will kill these children, Some sooner than later, Someday. Death regrets her very existence. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Greg Butler - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Welcome to Passions and CA (geez, I finally got to say that first). So, you're a Corso fan, huh? We can talk about that later.  It's an interesting idea and reminds me of some of the Sandman graphic novel stuff as well as death in the whole Marvel Thanos/Avengers thing (that was a while back). That's not a cut -- I really like some of that stuff. However, I think you've created too much of a distance between the character Death and the narrator of the poem. I'd rather see or read Death's voice and rather than telling us what she does -- show us what she's doing. Perhaps that would create more ambiguity but I don't see any problems with that. Also, I'm a little confused by the 'without a regret' and 'regrets her very existence' part -- seems a bit too obvious to be a contradiction but I don't see where you're going there. Hope you'll enlighten me on that one. Looking forward to more, Brad |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
WS: I agree with Brad, here. This is a very interesting idea. I think Brad may have been thrown off by the "never without a regret" (kind of a double negative). I understand this to mean "always regretting" and, therefore, do not think it contradicts the final line. I also see the same Captain Marvel/Thanos/Death/Avengers picture. (I loved that story line and it WAS a long time ago ... I'm going to have to pull that graphic novel out of storage now!)  I also agree with Brad in that hearing Death's voice would give this poem some extra punch. Welcome to Passions, by the way. Later. Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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karneliann Junior Member
since 1999-10-28
Posts 44Baltimore, MD, USA |
this poem definitely had an impact on me. i'm sorry to say that i'm not familiar with corso or with the comics mentioned by brad and jim, but i think there's something to say for this poem simply as a standalone piece. so i'll try to convince you that i'm offering you a unique perspective (is it working?) altho i agree with the previous posters that it would be great to hear death's voice, i really think it works here that the speaker is watching death just as death watches us all. i also loved the fact that death is personified as a woman, and i've never seen death portrayed as compassionate (altho clearly you all who know corso have). all in all, i enjoyed this immensely. i'd really like to see more of your poetry on this board. "My empire is of the imagination." -- She |
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Ted Reynolds Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 331 |
I find the first three stanzas very tight and evocative -- but then it gets diffuse and loses its crisp clarity (for me) in the fourth. And there may be much more to say. I think you get a couple of sharper verses if you divide the concepts you're trying to express in that stanza into a two or three shorter ones. Anyway, the concept of death as compassionate might be worth a challenge, anyone? |
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Wordshaman Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 110Illinois, USA |
I will only reply by saying that your suggestions are perfection, and that ideas are percolating, and in the next couple days expect a re-post of a different version. The idea of an accidental distance between the narrator and Death is just what was missing, and breaking the last stanza into what I'm thinking will be two stanzas is also good. I thank you all. By the way, I constantly hear about the Sandman stories. I'm curious now. For the record, I hate Gregory Corso's writing. The only value I find in it is the ideas it springs in my head at certain times. That line, when I read it, poured this entire poem into my head. It was a beautiful thing. But Corso's a mediocre writer at best. Ah well...where's my beret, anyway? Wordshaman |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Again, welcome. Check your email!  |
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Kevin Taylor Member
since 1999-12-23
Posts 185near Vancouver, BC, Canada |
Without repeating my friends above, I might add that the line: "Looking out her black window in her free time," struck me as hollow. Death seems to be working 24/7 at her trade. I don't recall any holidays for her. Perhaps something other than "free"... And Welcome! Kevin Kevin "Poetry is, at once, what you get... and how you got there." |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Hey ... I just liked it ... no other comments, no criticism ... except I will say very sincerely, "Welcome". warmhrt |
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