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Critical Analysis #1
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The Battle
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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The Battle |
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Ophelia Junior Member
since 2000-01-12
Posts 19 |
Butterflies with asphalt and radiator nightmares glimmer in the eyes of the sun. Soft flecks of gold and amber bounce in their wings as they beat tirelessly against his heat. They struggle against this fire's heat, only to burn out and grow cold. It is a battle that every man fights. The mind and the heart are forever stealing moments (to fight eachother). The mind's heat tries to overcome the relentless beats of our hearts. The heart fights to one day cool the oppressive mind. And the questions; ifs, whys. The emotions; love, hate, fear, desire, lust, passion - are indefinetly battling eachother. The mind wants to make sense of the emotion, the emotion wants to be valient and not die out. They are in a constant fight, to preserve a normal paradox. It is the only battle that man can constantly win, and inevitably lose. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Ophelia - All Rights Reserved | |||
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
moving, beautifully disturbing, i give it two thumbs and one big toe up!! good to have you at passions Ophelia, and i hope to see more of your work soon... it's been delightful -- **jerome the boy whose brain got left out in the rain and nobody bothered to dry it off when they put it back in |
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J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
Ophelia, Good job. Good use of extended metaphor. Your subject matter was conveyed very well, and the imagery was very descriptive. The format I felt could use some changes. I'm not a big "center" fan, some of the punctuation seems to break down the flow of the poem. Nonetheless, overall a wonderful poem. You express yourself very well, especially the last lines. Jason I...I have seen the best minds of my generation... --Allen Ginsberg |
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Ophelia Junior Member
since 2000-01-12
Posts 19 |
J.L. and poetry-kills: Thanks so much for your imput... to be honest with you guys, this was first written as a brief essay... and I liked it so much that I converted it. This is the reason for the unusual format and punctuation. Thanks again for your input!! Ophelia |
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falzone13 New Member
since 2000-01-16
Posts 5Plainsboro, NJ |
Good poem. I agree with the earlier comment about the centering of the poem on the page; it somehow just isn't aesthetically pleasing, at least not in this format. But other than that, I like what you're trying to get at, how this battle is not only widescale, but also individual. At least, that's what I took from it. Good poem. |
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patchoulipumpkin Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 196Bermuda |
great i love the last line. c'est magnifique. |
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Hawk183 Member
since 1999-12-24
Posts 130 |
Ophelia, I really liked this poem...nut I think I would have enjoyed it even more if the you continued the style of the first stanza...it was exellent in metaphor and imagery. I know that it was a leading stanza to define the paradox of humanity, but I think you could have done the same and still kept the descriptive nature that started the poem. Still though...exellent!  Hawk |
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