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Being The Sons And Daughters
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Being The Sons And Daughters |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
Being The Sons And Daughters by Kirk T Walker I’m sure it wasn’t easy Being the sons and daughters Of alcoholic brutes And their submissive wives, Back when they still Believed in whipping And hard work. But I’m even more sure That it’s not easy now As the sons and daughters Of leftovers from the revolutionary Sixties and seventies, Leftovers who can’t quite Kick the habit, Strung out on self-pity And methamphetimines, Or just chain-smoking With some pot on the side, And still alcoholics, Just less brute, Less ambitious. It would have been nice to get a whipping When I needed it To show you cared Or that you were even paying attention To anything besides your own misery And the dream of it’s dilution. Yet somehow you expect us to be better. Sometimes you even believe we are, That you did a good job. But we wear the scars of our childhood On the inside. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Kirk T Walker - All Rights Reserved | |||
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simplyYRREHS Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 162 |
Welcome to Passions, Kirk! Very good descriptives here and what a subject to disect and envelope so nicely for the reader. I'm fond of the free style writing (stream of conscience rules!)and purely enjoyed this read. Look forward to seeing more.  Sherry |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Kirk: Welcome to Passions and to Critical Analysis! Unless someone else hits the submit button before me, I suppose I have the honor of providing you with your first reply here. I really enjoyed your poem, particularly it's movement in a sort of loop, especially with the "it would have been nice to get a whipping" part. The subject here is nearly overwritten but I think you do an excellent job of presenting it with a fresh coat of paint. The only thing I didn't like so much was the very end. The "victim" thing doesn't ring well with me but that, I admit, is a personal preference only. Nice work here and welcome, again, to Passions. I, for one, hope you stay for a while. P.S. I see Sherry has a faster trigger finger than I. Oh well, the honor is hers today.  < !signature--> Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther [This message has been edited by jbouder (edited 01-14-2000).] |
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simplyYRREHS Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 162 |
Nice to know I can top you at something, JB! |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
In response to jbouder: I can see where you are coming from with the "victim" interpretation, and although I wasn't aiming for that effect, I see how "scars" implies that feeling. What I was really trying for was more of a contrast of the care-free appearance of youth to the problems that will later surface. I will keep your comment in mind when I revise. Thank you all very much for your replies. |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
In response (cont.) P.S. What do you think about changing the last lines to "But we wear our childhood/On the inside."? |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
All I can do is mirror the words of those who have gone before me. This is truly an excellent descriptive piece. On your comment/question of the change: omitting scars...yes. I think that is a very good idea. The rest of the poem hones that image down so well, it does not need the word to decribe it. Hats off to you poet & Welcome to CA. ~haze |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Kirk, WELCOME! I can see I'm a straggler here, but I echo the positive statements above, and agree that the change would be a very good one. I very much enjoyed the read, and can identify intimately with much of the feeling you expressed. Nice to have you on board, warmhrt |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
I like the change too. Later. < !P.S. You can call me Jim. signature--> Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther [This message has been edited by jbouder (edited 01-14-2000).] |
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SnglDad Member
since 2000-01-08
Posts 115Seattle area |
Welcome to Passion Good job Kirk. |
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John Foulstone Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 100Australia |
Another belated welcome to Passions, Kirk. If I remember rightly from long ago, I'd say this qualifies more as "blank" than "free" verse - you may not have rhymed, but there is excellent rhythm and meter. Reads well in my ear. Congrats! PS. Am I correct, JB? It's never too late to have a happy childhood ... |
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J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
Kirk, It has all been said. I'm sorry I have nothing useful to add, but this is a very good piece. I like the way you set up the contrast between physical abuse and emotional neglect. Welcome to CA, and I look forward to more work. J.L.H. Jason I...I have seen the best minds of my generation... --Allen Ginsberg |
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