Critical Analysis #1 |
Hey You ... |
warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
hey you ... you know who you are sitting in the midst of chaos pulling petals from daisies one by one what right have you to dream you made your choices now make no excuses for we will not acknowledge them there is nothing you can do hey you ... clear your head of white foaming waves of lipstick shaded sunsets for you have a reality you must face damn it learn to live with it we will hear of nothing else we know what's best for you hey you ... you know who you are hiding in your bed sheets over your head though you cannot hide yourself away from us only we know what will bring you joy how dare you make a choice of self how dare you keep the oceans and the sunsets and the meadow strewn with daisies ... while our world falls apart warmhrt |
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© Copyright 2000 warmhrt - All Rights Reserved | |||
poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
warmhrt: i really like this poem... i'm not usually a fan of widely-varied free-verse meter, but i think you pull it off very well by keeping the structure consistant with each stanza... the sentiment is very thought-provoking and intriguing... i have no significant criticisms, so keep up the good work sincerely, **jerome the boy with no brain |
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karneliann Junior Member
since 1999-10-28
Posts 44Baltimore, MD, USA |
what i liked about this piece was the irony in the last lines. it's the "real" world that's falling apart, while the dreamer's world is much more tangible and seemingly stronger, strong enough to endure all of the attacks by the speakers. it's nice to have beauty win for a change in our all-too-rational lives. this poem is lovely. "My empire is of the imagination." -- She |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
warmhrt... WOW! You have a strong statement here, well-honed! Wonderful work, I must say I feel the same (sometimes) When I am swallowed whole by contemporary dogma. Here is something I wrote on the same lines awhile back... Shall dreams be Devoured by chaos Drained to dry Drunk from this bitter bowl? NO We dream Count stars In vivid color We remain Human after all. *I love this message-your straight forward approach to this! Its beautiful & full of heart. Strong Kudos & Blessings After All Til Again... ~haze |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
jerome, karneliann, and haze, I would like to express my genuine appreciation to you for taking the time to read my work, and write such kind comments. If it weren't for others reading and commenting, none of us would be here any longer. karneliann, I am honored that you liked this piece ... your work is so professional and well-honed, finely crafted, and so very image provoking. haze, you, also, honor me with your comments, and a great piece of your own! (just asking ... why blessings "after all"?) [This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 01-14-2000).] |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
This poem seems to make a great statement on how some people look at poetry or other art as a waste of time, as well as accenting (in the last line) the need for art or some form of escape from the troubles of this world. The last line seems to be key to the message of this poem but I also enjoyed the "pulling petals from daisies/one/by/one" I got a nice visual and also a sense of the rythmic plucking and of the petals, I could almost feel the faint strain as the petals let go from the flower. |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
warmhrt...after all is just a phrase I plucked from the poem... But it also means after we have been through the wringer, more than once, we still remain dreamers at heart. No other intention X-My-Heart ~haze |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Kirk, (may I call you that?) Thanks so much for the positive commemts. It thrills me when someone tells me they can get the visual "feel" of one of my pieces! I'll have to look up some of your work. Thanks again, warmhrt |
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Ophelia Junior Member
since 2000-01-12
Posts 19 |
Warmhrt, I truly appreciate your ability to put thought into free verse, sometimes I don't think it is given enough credit. This poem really spoke to me, as we all judge from our points of view, and yet the trick is to not judge. Thank you for this reminder..... Ophelia |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Okay! Okay! I'm coming out from under the covers already. Geeze! Seriously, WH, this is strong stuff. Jim Teacher is the Grasshopper this time, dear. Great work. Jim |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Ophelia, I sincerely appreciate your appreciation of this. Jim, You have been hiding ... though I'm sure it was not under a sheet. Nice to see ya back, teach. You truly liked this free verse? Well, I'll be .... warmhrt |
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angel6917 Member
since 2000-01-14
Posts 478WI |
Wow, you're poem really spoke to me. I understand completely how you feel. I wish I could put my feelings into words the way you do, although it's hard for me. Keep up the good work... |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Angel, Thank you so much, and WECOME! The more you write, the more you'll learn (reading helps, too.) Appreciate the appreciation, and the comments. warmhrt |
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Songbird Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184Missouri |
Very interesting poem, I agree with everything that Kirk said about it, which is basically what I would have said. I like the attitude of the poem also, it is a little different than most. |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
hey you-- yes, you-- writing such wonderful poems as this one and making it all look easy. well done!! jenni |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Septsong (Hi, where ya been? Missed ya) and jenni, Sometimes if you've written one most seem to like, you begin just repeating yourself over and over in replies. I guess all I can say is that I'm happy that I was able to give you a couple of minutes of enjoyment. We both get some pleasure out of it, I s'pose. Thanks a lot! warmhrt |
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