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Critical Analysis #1
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Variancial Sonnet
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Variancial Sonnet |
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Wendy Flora Member
since 2000-01-11
Posts 182Virginia |
O'er the horizon, the beam breaks Stretching to the farthest reaches of the earth. The golden glow glimmers 'gainst the night. The cock will cry at the mergence of this birth. To stretch to feel the kisses leave the light, The fiery form fills my soul with flame, Burning valiant to the visions of my sight To quirk the smiling whisper of your name. My soul delights the hiddens of the night. The burning licks the sorrow on the lane Swallows fear a joy becoming bright In admiration of constancy. To wish a presence - forbidden For we decline to declare this act so hidden. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Wendy Flora - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Wendy Flora Member
since 2000-01-11
Posts 182Virginia |
sorry if this one's confusing  |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
wendy: i like this sonnet a lot you're right, the meaning is a bit obscure, but the form and the imagery are quite good... the only thing that confused me was the unrhymed line of the 12th line, though i know little about forms of sonnets other than shakespearian or petrarchan: i assumed it was part of the form you were using... sincerely, **jerome the boy with no brain |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I'm surprised that more of the strict metrists around here haven't commented on this one. I, for one, found the prevalence of anapests a bit disconcerting to the rhythm (as long as you want to call it a sonnet, that is) but that may just be me. I would have preferred more specifics but I was reminded of an Arizona desert sunrise and that is always worth remembering. Thanks, Brad |
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Vincent Spaulding Member
since 2000-01-16
Posts 59 |
The first and second line have only four stressed syllables. The remainder of the the poem has five--as it should have for a sonnet--with the exception of the thirteenth line. I felt, however, that the breaking of the meter in the 13th line had good poetic effect--sort of like a metrical exclamation point. So I wouldn't "correct" line 13, but I would work on lines one and two. |
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Wordshaman Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 110Illinois, USA |
As a strict free versist, I only have to say that this poem makes no sense whatsoever. You spent too much on form and used mud to fill in the structure...the form is beautiful, though. Probably took a long time for you to build it, so I won't come along and trash it. It's good for what it is, but I don't agree with what it is, necessarily. Wordshaman |
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Wendy Flora Member
since 2000-01-11
Posts 182Virginia |
I know it makes little sense... maybe this will help put it in perspective: I wrote it after staying up all night on the phone with a secret love of mine. He and I had stayed up all night talking on the phone, and I wrote this to him just after dawn. (He and I kept our little tryst a secret because he had just broken up with a girlfriend and it would have hurt her to have him attached so soon, if that makes any sense.) -wen |
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