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Critical Analysis #1
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karneliann
Junior Member
since 1999-10-28
Posts 44
Baltimore, MD, USA

0 posted 2000-01-13 11:06 AM


i know, more religious references.  people who just read my subject headings are gonna think i'm a religious nut.  couldn't be further from the truth!  you bold ones, read on.

holy ghost

waking to the hotel smell
whirr of heat, muted sun
battling the bedroom's dim
through vertical blinds

she rises, blankets fall
revealing cardboard-cutout nakedness
unfolds her lanky frame
two strides to the window
throws the blinds
spindled arms outstretched, long neck reaching
her wax transparency
in brilliant morning light
is everything.




 "My empire is of the imagination." -- She


© Copyright 2000 karneliann - All Rights Reserved
haze
Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528
Bethlehem, PA USA
1 posted 2000-01-13 11:59 AM


Beautiful! This is a powerful image, a vignette well honed and tangible. Extreme Kudos!
warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563

2 posted 2000-01-13 12:48 PM


Exquisite!  A scenario depicted with the words to reach into the senses, and produce a sensuous perception.  The imagination can provide more than ghostly images.  Very nice piece ... keep them coming.

warmhrt


[This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 01-13-2000).]

karneliann
Junior Member
since 1999-10-28
Posts 44
Baltimore, MD, USA
3 posted 2000-01-13 01:06 PM


thanks for all the sweetness!  way to draw me out of my little hole!

but i don't want just sweetness.  i want a little more meaningful response.  

i'm hoping for feedback on this question:  how do you view the person described in this poem?  beautiful or ugly?  healthy or unhealthy?  i'm taking a little poll.  even if the poem sounds good (and there's a lot to be said for that), i'm not sure if it's coming off the way i meant it to.


 "My empire is of the imagination." -- She


haze
Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528
Bethlehem, PA USA
4 posted 2000-01-13 01:32 PM


Karneliann,

First, If I was being sweet (who me?) I wouldn't tell you it was tangible. I view the persona depicted here as beautiful, but uncomfortable with it, lacking esteem. the windows seem gray & dirty (i don't know why) Maybe just because its January, but she's exhibiting herself, veiled, a holy ghost (perhaps viewed from a highway or far off from the parking lot) Enter alleghory...The poetry hotel...the baring...etc.

So many layers here (ITS WHAT MAKES IT A VERY FINE POEM)

Second-If I felt a slice&dice, C&C emergency surgery, was in order...It would be drawn & quartered. But really, who am I? Another poet with opinions and a well-honed sword.

Third-I'll give it to you straight, unplucked. I would like the same in return.

*~haze offers her hand, palm up and open*
There is a women's work board (very small write now) at http://www.insidetheweb.com/mbs.cgi/mb930253
If you would like to post, I would be honored. cj prefers the softer side of things, and warm homey edges...I of course grate like glass...You (and any other women poets/artists) having a read on this are welcome. Come, post, stay awhile.

Sorry Guys...It is a women's venue only.



[This message has been edited by haze (edited 01-13-2000).]

karneliann
Junior Member
since 1999-10-28
Posts 44
Baltimore, MD, USA
5 posted 2000-01-13 02:17 PM


i appreciate your candor.  thanks much.  it's all the more valuable from a poet as inspired as you are.  and i'd love to be a part of women's work.  i'm checking it out right now.

 "My empire is of the imagination." -- She


karneliann
Junior Member
since 1999-10-28
Posts 44
Baltimore, MD, USA
6 posted 2000-01-13 02:37 PM


the truth is that i still have mixed feelings about the character in this poem.  i think she has a wraithlike beauty about her, and originally she was, in a way, my ideal.  physically, she's what i want to be even tho i realize how unhealthy she is.  she's sacrificing herself, but she's reveling in it.  this may not help you, but it's the best i can explain it.

 "My empire is of the imagination." -- She


warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563

7 posted 2000-01-13 03:07 PM


The way the character came across to me was, as I said before, of sensuality ... feeling secure in her own body, and enjoying it ... loving being a woman.  I did not see her as unhealthy, for if what pleases someone else also pleases her, then she is being good to herself.  The only thing that jarred me a bit was "hotel smell".  Don't know why, but it just didn't seem to fit.
But, that said, I still concur with the above reviews.

warmhrt  

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