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Critical Analysis #1
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karneliann
Junior Member
since 1999-10-28
Posts 44
Baltimore, MD, USA

0 posted 2000-01-12 02:42 PM



they tell me I'm on the fast track
which gives me a rush of pride
as swift as this train I'm on
until the gremlin whispers
"fast track to where?"
who wants a free ride to trenton?
hurtling towards aluminum
when all I want's the carnelian
flood of orange, regardless of the cost

the plains whizz by so fast
you'd think I wouldn't have the time
to be so bored, dissatisfied
but flat and dusty's not my style
give me craggy mountains,
restless sea.  so what
if most of my time is spent
light-headed, breathless
dazzled by the sun
so I can scarcely see my goal?
at least I won't be bored
and bored is hell.


< !signature-->

 "My empire is of the imagination." -- She



[This message has been edited by karneliann (edited 01-13-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 karneliann - All Rights Reserved
haze
Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528
Bethlehem, PA USA
1 posted 2000-01-12 03:14 PM


Karneliann...

""fast track to where?"
who wants a free ride to trenton?"

Good Point...excellent poem! I have a fellow beat-on the board!!! Excellent Work Here Poet!

Might I suggest a new title? Perhaps, "On The Fast Track To Trenton"

karneliann
Junior Member
since 1999-10-28
Posts 44
Baltimore, MD, USA
2 posted 2000-01-12 03:33 PM


i need to clarify-- "bored" isn't the title of the poem, it's just the topic title (and also my state of mind at work right now).  the poem is actually untitled.

i'm glad you can relate.  i can speak from some of my own experience here, having lived in trenton for 4 years.


 "My empire is of the imagination." -- She


warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563

3 posted 2000-01-12 05:48 PM


Great piece ... one I'm sure many can identify with, especially the second stanza.  
Welcome ... you sure have a good start!

warmhrt


[This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 01-12-2000).]

Hawk183
Member
since 1999-12-24
Posts 130

4 posted 2000-01-13 04:03 PM


Great work...
I like this poem and the mood it sets.
I like the last two lines...clever
Welcome and keep 'em coming.

Hawk

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