How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Archives
 Critical Analysis #1 Archive
 Poems in Yesterday's Flight
 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
Follow us on Facebook

 This is an Archive. You may post a reply, but new topics are not allowed.

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

Poems in Yesterday's Flight (for Sweetpoison)

 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
Brad
Member Ascendant
since 08-20-99
Posts 5896
Jejudo, South Korea


0 posted 01-09-2000 11:00 AM       View Profile for Brad   Email Brad   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Brad

Ladies, Gentlemen, and others:

Excuse me?
Yes, I am tired.
Thank you for your concern.

[beginning of the presentation]

The lake had frozen during the night
But I was not prepared to see the flying
And darting of such a huge collection
Of treasures. Perhaps, I was overzealous
But I walked to my rocket and strapped myself in.
I launched and took steady aim for the harvest.
I braced the hand accelerator and lowered
The nets to capture these fine specimens.

My first glide was a failure, lost control,
Swung hard to the left, almost overturned.
The second and third proved even more
Disastrous for several had smashed against
The hull and others had been caught in engine exhaust.
On the forth, I was able to capture two.
I stopped, leaped, and examined my new companions.

But then I saw what I had done.

The flock was there, beckoning but unreachable.
The ice had been exposed to my engines too long.
I would not capture more that morning
And tomorrow, they would be gone.

[end of presentation]

Certainly, not original.
I'm sure you all have had similar experiences.
But I hope that you still find some minor amusement.
Excuse me?
The other poem?
It died in transit.
Thank you.

--(Sweetpoison is the call name for a person on another board. A while back she remarked that one of my poems read like 'a rocket on ice'. I asked her if I could use that image in another poem and this is what happened.)
Brad
© Copyright 2000 Brad - All Rights Reserved
Hawk183
Member
since 12-24-1999
Posts 132


1 posted 01-09-2000 11:24 AM       View Profile for Hawk183   Email Hawk183   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Hawk183

Brad,

This was great...a very creative and original piece.  Good flow and form...also the imagery and metaphor proved to be a very enjoyable read.

Hawk
Ted Reynolds
Member
since 12-15-1999
Posts 335


2 posted 01-09-2000 06:06 PM       View Profile for Ted Reynolds   Email Ted Reynolds   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ted Reynolds

This is okay for what it is, but it really doesn't try to be much.  I stand in awe of what it might become if it could be turned into a metaphor for something *else* in life.  (Unless it already is, in which case I hang my head in shame for my obtuseness.)  A changed word here, a phrase there, and you could be talking about life failures or love relationships or *something* else . . . and I think you should try to add that extra dimension.
warmhrt
Senior Member
since 12-18-1999
Posts 1566


3 posted 01-09-2000 07:15 PM       View Profile for warmhrt   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for warmhrt

Brad, respectably,
I will no longer be a smarta**, and call you Bradley if you will reply to more of my work.
This one felt at first read as if I was watching a video game of some sort. On second read, I got the feeling "the flock" was much more than targets to be taken down,
or are they?
Get some rest....

warmhrt


[This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 01-09-2000).]
John Foulstone
Member
since 01-01-2000
Posts 102
Australia


4 posted 01-10-2000 02:14 PM       View Profile for John Foulstone   Email John Foulstone   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for John Foulstone

Another fish story well told.
jenni
Senior Member
since 09-11-99
Posts 511
Washington D.C.


5 posted 01-10-2000 08:11 PM       View Profile for jenni   Email jenni   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for jenni

ted, i think there IS an extra dimension here... i read it as a metaphor for writing, and the creative process.  rocketman caught himself two poems, one presented here complete; the other, which ostensibly 'died in transit,' is presented here as the 'framing' piece.  

um, either that or it's about the illegal hunting of endangered waterfowl, lol.    

excellent work, brad!  i really enjoyed this one!

jenni

[This message has been edited by jenni (edited 01-10-2000).]
jbouder
Member Elite
since 09-18-99
Posts 2641
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash


6 posted 01-10-2000 08:25 PM       View Profile for jbouder   Email jbouder   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for jbouder

Brad:

To get inside that mind of yours!  With you I can't help but to expect that there is more to this poem than what I read on the surface.  

I think Jenni is on the right track with her understanding of this poem as a metaphor for writing poetry.  The "flying" and "darting" treasures are, perhaps, ideas.  Perhaps the "hand accelerator" is the writer's pen, but this seems a little too obvious.  Metaphors are most fun when you have to work to figure them out.  

Brad, this was both imaginative and enjoyable to read.  I got a good chuckle out of the ladies, gentleman and "others" part.  Thanks for not leaving me out.  

 Jim

"If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther

Ryan
Member
since 06-10-99
Posts 318
Kansas


7 posted 01-10-2000 09:51 PM       View Profile for Ryan   Email Ryan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ryan

I just want to add my ideas about the writing metaphor discussing going here.  I basically get the same picture that everyone else here has said, so I won't write that up again.  This is the part I'm interested in.

But then I saw what I had done.

The flock was there, beckoning but unreachable.
The ice had been exposed to my engines too long.
I would not capture more that morning
And tomorrow, they would be gone.

[end of presentation]

Certainly, not original


I like what it says about poetry.  To me, it's about forcing poems to paper.  Writing things that aren't ready to be written.  I've done that so many times, sat down to write and nothing comes naturally, so I try to make it come against its will.  Invariably (oohh, big word, maybe you guys should read this post in a bad British intellectual accent  *grins*  no offense to anyone here that's British of course), the poem is always awful.  As Brad says, the flock (the words, ideas, poems, etc.) are there, beckoning (why I write) but unreachable (so I'm gonna force a poem).  I won't capture more (no more good ideas are gonna be captured onto paper) and tomorrow they'll be gone (my ideas never stay that long).  And then, not original (it was forced, everyone should realize that) but we've all experienced that, so maybe because of that, we can understand and enjoy the poem.

Once again, nothing to say on a technical matter.  I think I'm just feeling philosophical and wordy tonight.  Maybe I'll drop by the philosophy forum.

Ryan


 I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till i drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.
óJack Kerouac
Brad
Member Ascendant
since 08-20-99
Posts 5896
Jejudo, South Korea


8 posted 01-12-2000 11:32 PM       View Profile for Brad   Email Brad   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Brad

Thanks to all who replied. This is a poem that has a poem about writing poems. When I'm in my most poetic of moods, thoughts, ideas, images, moments, and anything else start streaming through my head that to choose one means I lose the others.  The act of writing one down is a choice over one and not the other; everytime you gain something, you lose something and stuff like that.  

It's kind of funny because the original image for the title was to see poems as types of tachyons traveling back in time as we travel forward. If  you don't catch them, you lose them but if you try too hard (what Ryan calls 'forcing') you lose them all or in this case only end up with one and a half.

I just hope it didn't sound 'forced'. At times, a minor goal of mine is to create a poem that is the same as two mirrors facing each other, to creat that sort of infinity moment (without using that word of course   ). There's a French phrase for it but I've forgotten it at the moment and don't feel like looking it up right now.

Gotta make lunch for the wife now,
Brad

Brad
Seoulair
Senior Member
since 03-27-2008
Posts 776
Seoul S.Korea


9 posted 04-26-2008 01:49 PM       View Profile for Seoulair   Email Seoulair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seoulair

No matter how you explained it, I still read as a story of fishing.
Or you hide your original intention too clueless-ly.

enjoyed.


 
 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Archives >> Critical Analysis #1 >> Poems in Yesterday's Flight Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors