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Critical Analysis #1
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~Art of the Soul~
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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~Art of the Soul~ |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704
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~Art of the Soul~ (acrostic, repost) Wild flight across the horizon has drawn me to your footsteps. Elusively, I haunt your shadows, roaming places you walk unseen, enraptured by your light - for no yearning sun could paint a shadow only love can cast alone. Now, here, underneath Eros' bright blessing, I am found, gently sketching my soul. Realising forever in strokes and breaths, I etch without need of any brush, for my half is tinctured, just - and even Yemen's arid heart could thrive by the sustaining colours of your loving art. O my dove, your shadows are not so dark! Unshuttered demons surface still, yet even they limn the illustrations of your soul - I'd dream their flight away to paint you peace, if order was your desire, but such penumbra is ever a part of the half of you: I could not erase sweet anything from your masterpiece. Da Vinci and Van Gogh knew not the passion wrought by colour of a fired heart, and, to think, my easel knows only mere shadows of you yet! Love crafts here now, and you; yes: Love's art abides in me, enduring past eternity. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Kamla Mahony - All Rights Reserved | |||
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John Foulstone Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 100Australia |
I stand in awe! Will watch for more. Hope your soul still dwells in such rapture! It's never too late to have a happy childhood ... |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
philip told me that you were a little cautious about posting in ca. i think i've figured out why: you were afraid you'd not have time to read the enormous amount of praise you'd get from this. personally, i can't find a thing wrong with it. of course, i can't tell you a thing about meter, rhyme, etc., but it's content is clear and beautiful. the allusions in it are brilliant, without sounding pedantic. Now, here, underneath Eros' bright blessing, I am found, gently sketching my soul. that's my favorite part. this is truly wonderful, so don't be afraid to post or to reply in here. you are certainly welcome |
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Artur Hawkwing Member
since 1999-06-30
Posts 444USA |
This poem has my highest praise. A fired heart is what you have. I really liked the originality of this- if this poem lacks something, then far be it. [This message has been edited by Artur Hawkwing (edited 01-10-2000).] |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Kamla .. I agree with Roxane and the others but there are a few things that puzzle me. First line ...... Wild flight across the horizon .. is this a reference to a frantic but uncontrolled search for love? The painting metaphor is obviously present throughout and binds the piece together. The references to his shadow in each stanza resonated and were evocative. Firstly the shadow is portrayed as a kind of place of sustenance with the speaker drawing strength therein. Then the darker aspect of his shadow is dealt with yet even that "is not so dark". Finally the speaker acknowledges that there are far greater glories to be attained - that the shadows are just that .. shadows of the reality and that Love will bring to colour and life the "full picture". A minor point ... I wondered whether perhaps a comma after "walk" in the third line might make the meaning clearer. At present I tended to read it as HE walked unseen, whereas I believe intended a pause after "walk" which would indicate that it was in fact the speaker that walked "unseen". The following three lines had me slightly confused after a few reads. There seemed to be a slight contradiction between "enraptured in your light" and the earlier "haunt your shadows". To be blunt, one minute the speaker seemed to be basking in his light the next happy in his shadow. This wouldn't be too bad except for the fact that you seem to suggest by the words "enraptured in YOUR light" that he is the light SOURCE. If that is so then he himself would presumably cast no shadow? You may say this is metaphorical .. in which case please can you explain. The last part of the first stanza is presumably about the sustenance derived from his love .. I'm missing something though maybe. The reference to "my half" at first had me confused and then I got to thinking maybe this was a reference to the two lovers being together parts of a "joint" painting with the speaker's "half" being dull by comparison but nevertheless "tinctured" by the strong bright colours of his/her partner. Yes/No?? I thought the second stanza was the most straightforward simply dealing with the darker side of the character, which nevertheless the speaker accepts as a necessary part of the whole. I was just a little uncomfortable with the word "sweet" probably because in Britain there is an expression "sweet FA" (sweet f**k all) meaning "nothing"; which sorta spoils the tone of the poem at that point for me. More strong painting metaphor in the final stanza .... great. The triple caesura (if that's what it is ..lol) in the penultimate line made for a dramatic pause before the final line, but I think that was intended and I think it works. I know this is something that gets pulled out over and over, but what is your "take" on SOUL? Why do you use it? What is it? What does it mean? Finally I know that there is a Donne influence in this poem but although I've tried and tried I can't see the Donnish twists .. So this is a challenge to the Jenni, Jim, Brad, Roxanne, Haze, Trevor, Ken, Pete et al .... who can be first? Kamla tells me there a couple of Donne like "tricks" .... c'mon you lot surely one of you can enlighten me?  Philip |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Kamla: This is certainly an outstanding piece. I recognize the Donne influence but I have never disected Donne's work thoroughly so, for now, I am not up to meeting Philip's challenge. Philip raises a good point, I think, about the light source/shadow contradiction. Since I don't think you meant to contrast "shadows" and "light", here, perhaps a rephrasing of "I haunt your shadows" would help clear up this difficulty. Of course you may have meant for there to be a contrast and, therefore, I would have just wasted my time with this paragraph. I was a little confused at first about the "my dove" reference. Initially I tied it to "my soul" (the dove often representing a spirit) and didn't realize until the end of the stanza that you were not writing about the speaker's soul, but rather, the "soul" of your love. Again, I may have this TOTALLY wrong. I just thought it sounded odd to refer to a "painting" of one's own soul as a masterpiece. Narcissism doesn't seem to fit with this poem. Be forewarned that you are likely to get the "O Danny Boy" speech from Brad on your beginning your second stanza with "O". But don't mind him. I think it fits here. Regarding Philip's question: "I know this is something that gets pulled out over and over, but what is your "take" on SOUL?" "Why do you use it? What is it? What does it mean?" "Soul" is often used tritely in poetry, granted, but I do not think this is so here. Some use the word "soul" to try to make a poem sound more "poetic". It seems to be a hyperbolic Fenris Wolf waiting to bite off the poet's hand much of the time. One must proceed with caution, I think, when using any of this sort of imagery but, again, I don't think it is a problem here. I think she uses it because it is both intangible and real at the same time. The poem is her canvas for painting something unseen but certainly not unfelt. Did I get it right this time? This was excellent, Kamla. Thank you. P.S. I hope to see more of your work in CA. My time is limited and I spend most of it here. Keep posting here, please. < !signature--> Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther [This message has been edited by jbouder (edited 01-12-2000).] |
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