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Critical Analysis #1
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Unknown Poet
New Member
since 2000-01-05
Posts 7
Sumner Washington

0 posted 2000-01-06 07:52 PM



Wilted Rose

I once had a rose
to beautiful to forget
that rose always glowed
until I had to pick it

Now that rose is fading
slowly going into my past
but my memory keeps on waning
until that rose turns to ash

I struggle for forgivness
for I made a bad mistake
that rose no longer wants me
for it seems that cruel is fate

© Copyright 2000 Thomas - All Rights Reserved
roxane
Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505
us
1 posted 2000-01-06 09:41 PM


if i am not mistaken this is your first, or one of your first posts in critical analysis.  if so, welcome.  if not, then just hello.  

this poem reflects a lot of emotion, and a lot of talent.  the main thing that i think could use improvement is some of the word choice.

I once had a rose
too beautiful to forget

this is semi-trite.  roses are over used in poetry, at least in  my opinion, but you do redeem yourself in the second stanza, which is lovely.

I struggle for forgivness
for I made a bad mistake
that rose no longer wants me
for it seems that cruel is fate

i think this last stanza could use some work.  the rhyme in the last line is awful awkward, it seems like you worded it that way for the sake of the rhyme.  the poem is more important than those two lines.  also, the personification of the rose changes.  never was the rose given this quality of wanting you, so it seems odd now that it does.  the "bad mistake" i don't think does justice to the rest of the poem which is more eloquently worded.  just a suggestion.
anyways, thanks for the read, and keeping working on it

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