Critical Analysis #1 |
Wilted Rose |
Unknown Poet New Member
since 2000-01-05
Posts 7Sumner Washington |
Wilted Rose I once had a rose to beautiful to forget that rose always glowed until I had to pick it Now that rose is fading slowly going into my past but my memory keeps on waning until that rose turns to ash I struggle for forgivness for I made a bad mistake that rose no longer wants me for it seems that cruel is fate |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
if i am not mistaken this is your first, or one of your first posts in critical analysis. if so, welcome. if not, then just hello. this poem reflects a lot of emotion, and a lot of talent. the main thing that i think could use improvement is some of the word choice. I once had a rose too beautiful to forget this is semi-trite. roses are over used in poetry, at least in my opinion, but you do redeem yourself in the second stanza, which is lovely. I struggle for forgivness for I made a bad mistake that rose no longer wants me for it seems that cruel is fate i think this last stanza could use some work. the rhyme in the last line is awful awkward, it seems like you worded it that way for the sake of the rhyme. the poem is more important than those two lines. also, the personification of the rose changes. never was the rose given this quality of wanting you, so it seems odd now that it does. the "bad mistake" i don't think does justice to the rest of the poem which is more eloquently worded. just a suggestion. anyways, thanks for the read, and keeping working on it |
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