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| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Benumb |
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simplyYRREHS Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 162 |
(renamed for more "attention appeal"~ previously known as "Still") Bittersweet The memory As down the path I trod Begging thee Deliver me! Is all I ask of God Trifling Deciphering Of words so harshly spent One askew Mere thought of you My pain seems infinite Placidness Emotionless This being I've become Heart is still Against all will It finally succumbs [This message has been edited by simplyYRREHS (edited 01-05-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Sherry - All Rights Reserved | |||
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John Foulstone Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 100Australia |
Being a sucker for a lilting even rhyme, I loved the sound of it. And the sadness. I was going to take issue with "thee", then I noticed you were talking to God, so I suppose it's OK. But check your spelling of "Trifiling", "infinate", and "succombs". |
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simplyYRREHS Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 162 |
I suppose this is the touchy way to do a spell check! Thanks JF for so tenderly pointing out the mistakes 'huked on fonix" left with me! thee...yes, i pondered this one a bit, and expect some hand-smacking for the use of God...but as you said, I felt too it was appropriate and respectful. thanks for your comments! |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Sherry(?): I echo John's suggestion that you check your spelling on those words. I like the simplicity here. I appreciate the contrition also. The softening of the hardened heart rings of the Pauline epistles (something else I, personally, can appreciate). "Of words so harshly spent" is a bit vague. The other sentiments leave enough to the imagination to get a general idea of what the "pray-er" is thinking/feeling but "words so harshly spent" didn't give me the same inroad into the "pray-er's" mind. Again, nice work. Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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