I Love you - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

J.B.SR
Junior Member

since 2000-01-04

Posts 29
Seattle area

0 posted 2000-01-05 04:21 AM

I love you for your smile,
And all the laughs we share,
I love you for the warm,
And gentle way you care,
I love you just because,
And that will always be,
But I love you most of all,
When you are loving me.

[This message has been edited by J.B.SR (edited 01-05-2000).]

John Foulstone
Member

since 2000-01-01

Posts 100
Australia

1 posted 2000-01-05 09:47 AM

I love it! Can I send a copy to my lady? Without the typo in line four. "gentel"?

J.B.SR
Junior Member

since 2000-01-04

Posts 29
Seattle area

2 posted 2000-01-05 11:41 AM

No i wouldnt mind at all.And thank you for pointing out the typo

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

3 posted 2000-01-05 12:46 PM

Joel, that is nice and sweet. But as certain others have said, "this is CA". So here goes.

The sentiment is exactly right, something we all want to say to or favorite ladies. The down side is that I expect this one will be jumped on as "too cliche." Now I am known to use too many cliches so I don't strongly object to your use here but, it does resemble something one would find on a greeting card, albeit a nice greeting card. Please don't take this wrong as it is only one humble opinion and I am certainly not a worthy critic.

You have done an excellent job with your rhyme and meter but I will make one suggestion. If you remove "the" from your 4th line, your meter will be consistent throughout the poem.

I love you for your smile
And all the laughs we share,
I love you for the warm
And gentle way you care,
I love you just because,
And that will always be,
But I love you most of all
When you are loving me.

I also took the liberty of removing a few of the commas as they seemed unnecessary and even distracting. Some of our more astute critics may point out that some of the remaining commas should be semicolons to be correct, but I think, with the short lines and all, it really looks better this way. Finally, I changed the i in the 7th line to uppercase as that seemed to be a typo.

Well, thanks for submitting this. I liked it. Do keep up the good work.

Pete

J.B.SR
Junior Member

since 2000-01-04

Posts 29
Seattle area

4 posted 2000-01-05 12:55 PM

After reading it again,I agree with some of what you said,the "i" was changed and "the"
was a typo as well.Thanx for pointing that out and for your reply

joel

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.