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Sweet Softness
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Sweet Softness |
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Renee Junior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 18langhorne, PA 19047 |
Whisper softly in my ear And let me know that you are there. Warm my heart with a little touch When I feel I am alone. Whisper softly in my ear So that only I can hear you. Warm my heart with words of nonsense That only we can understand. Whisper nothing at all But send me a smile. Warm my heart with your sweetness That is often stronger than words. Whisper softly in my ear as you often do. Warming my heart With the sweet softness of you. < !signature--> Linda Renee [This message has been edited by Renee (edited 01-11-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Renee - All Rights Reserved | |||
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
this is very sweet, almost sugary, but the format works for it, and it makes the reader feel the same "sweet softness" that the narrator feels. nice job. |
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Tim Gouldthorp Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 170 |
I liked the general flow of the words, and I liked the line 'whisper softly in my ear' A few minor suggestions that I think would make it flow better, though I'm no expert: 3rd line of first stanza, perhaps add another syllable, maybe a word between 'your' and 'presence'. 2nd stanza, last line consider 'can' between 'we' and 'understand'. Last stanza perhaps 'so' could go between 'you' and 'do'. Last line you might want to look putting 'with' on the above line ie Warming my heart with Those sweet soft things you do |
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Tim Gouldthorp Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 170 |
Oops, sorry! Forget what I said about'with,' on second thoughts the last line sounds fine as it is to me. |
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John Foulstone Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 100Australia |
Linda Renee - It's very sweet, and it works for me, except for the repeated "do" in second and last line of last stanza. Hey, Roxane, don't you like sugar? |
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Renee Junior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 18langhorne, PA 19047 |
Thanks everyone for your responses. John, I do agree that the word "do" in the last stanza tends to be repetitive. However, much of the poem itself is repetitive. Although, I will take it into consideration when revising. Tim, thank you for your suggesstions. I agree some revisions must be done, and your comments will be a great help when doing so. Thanks so much. Linda Renee |
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James Woods New Member
since 2000-01-05
Posts 2 |
Wow! The words and flow of the piece sound like all the things I want to hear, so it takes me into the image you've created. It works! |
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