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Critical Analysis #1
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In A Room With Ten Windows
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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In A Room With Ten Windows |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA 
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No wall space A white-paned door welcome to January drafts crocheted into July-green sweaters from damp-black panties Swatched with borrowed words like soft blankets for pink shoulders held close until the thaw. [This message has been edited by haze (edited 01-04-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Haze McElhenny - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Haze: As is usual, the imagery in this is remarkable (I know, I know ... you are saying, "Come'on, Jim, tell me something new"). Your poetry, for me, is quite a bit like that artwork you see in the mall that you have to stare at for a while until your eyes do some trick and, voila, there is the picture! I had to read this several times and I am still uncertain of its full meaning. I see the poverty (maybe even homelessness) of the woman in the poem but little more. What is the significance of "damp black panties swatched with borrowed words"? Why are "Damp", "Swatched" and "Soft" capitalized? Why must I try to find meaning in every little thing!  Thanks for the read and for the opportunity for another study. I'll even forgive the nose bleed it gave me. Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
Jim Jim Jim Is everything to be analyzed?...*S* Let me take this apart for you...Its not about poverty, its about word-seduction "No wall space A white-paned door welcome to January Drafts >>>>No wall space in a room lined with 10 windows (my studio) is not unusual, its all glass...I live in an old brick house...the studio windows are original/I deal with the drafts because I love the look>>>>>I crochet the draft into July (hot) green (verdant) sweaters (embraces) from damp-black panties...(well-you figure this out) I crochet into July-green sweaters from damp-black panties Swatched>>>>>>somebody muses me with words...gee who'd of thought a poet could be inclined to make a muse of a gurrl like me and then become amusing...>>> with borrowed words like soft blankets for pink>>>>> Where is soft capped? I must have missed it...It would be more like me to hone in on Pink>>> shoulders held close until the thaw." So i missed or you missed... Now whad'ya think? |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Haze: "Is everything to be analyzed?" That's a silling question. Thanks for the explanation (sometimes left-brainers need translators). I like your poem better now (*sheepishly trying to ignore the "black panty" thing*). Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
Hello haze, Ok this is what I got out of the poem. It's about a person living in a rundown place, (No wall space because of the holes in the wall), or that it is about someone who has no space of their own and then I begin to get confused while wondering should I be interpreting this as literal or as an analogy of some sort.... "I crochet into July-green sweaters from damp-black panties Swatched with borrowed words" ...and interpreted this as keeping a better day in mind ("I crochet into") and the subject bedding down with someone they don't care for to keep warm or to have their basic needs met. "like soft blankets for pink shoulders held close until the thaw" and this I interpreted as the subject staying with the person throughout her time of hardship until the time came where she could safely leave. I dunno, am I even close here? I'm also curious as to your reasons for capitalising some of the words, it seemed unnecessary for the most part. Was it for stressing the pronounciation of the words? I think this one leaves the reader with a few too many questions, answered with certainty only by the author. And as much as I liked some of the wording I have to honestly say this isn't one of my favourite poems written by you. Anyways thanks for the read and if you have the time could ya interpret the poem for us, take care, Trevor |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
Hello...I or this forum comitted a breach...sorry...Honest! [This message has been edited by haze (edited 01-04-2000).] |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
Triple Breach...Very Sorry [This message has been edited by haze (edited 01-04-2000).] |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
Jim..."trying" is (I suppose) the operative word there...I am still working on this actually...I know now by trevor's resp that it needs to be clearer or I need to write from my social conscience instead of my *never mind* ...LOL Trevor...Thanks much for the read...I posted a resp to Jim above about the exact meaning (and its not poverty) You have shown me that it needs to be clearer...I thank you much. I use caps for a multitude of reasons: 1)attention 2)instead of commas (which put me in a coma) 3)emphasis 4)to break the monotony...LOL no really, because I want you to stop there and breathe... Thanks again for the read guys...TA |
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Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
Okay, so I was in the middle of posting my critique while you and Jim already discussed the meaning of this poem. UGGG!!! Anyways after reading the explaination I have to say that I thought the poem might be a little too difficult for the reader to pick up on the true intended meaning....or at least for this reader it was, but then again no one has ever accused me of being too insightful  Thanks for the explaination, take care, Trevor |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
Breach again [This message has been edited by haze (edited 01-04-2000).] |
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Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
Hey Haze, Take it easy on the submit button would ya I know Jim and I aren't the smartest cookies in the box but ya don't have to repeat yourself 4 times |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
X-My Heart & Hope to die...I hit it once and then it locked up big time...When it freed this is what I got...DOH...I am very sorry |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Haze: Don't sweat it ... Trevor's just PMS'ing because Philosophy 101 has been so slow lately. I don't buy your excuse, though. Admit it! Admit it! You hit it three times during the lag! Admit it! Oh yeah, about the poem. The caps, I think, don't work so well as commas as a line break would. The pause that results from the attention drawing caps does not, for me, have the same effect as the pause for punctuation or line breaks. Attention, emphasis, and break of monotony, yes, but substitute for a comma, doesn't work for me. Just my opinion, though. Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
I'm going to have to agree with Jim on the capitalization part (and not about me PMS'ing ). I found that it didn't make me pause like a comma would have. |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
haze-- another nice one. i didn't see "poverty" in this at all; from the title "a room with TEN windows" the first line made perfect sense to me, lol. (you really live in a home that has a room with 10 windows?? sounds like a lovely place!) i liked the subtle pun of the January "drafts" being swatched with "words," very nicely done. one tiny criticism, though? the poem moves quickly through the phrases white-paned door... January drafts... July-green sweaters... damp-black panties... borrowed words... soft blankets... pink shoulders: all modifier-object sequences. you might try varying this a little to break up the lock-step monotony. just a thought. thanks for another beautiful read, haze. jenni [This message has been edited by jenni (edited 01-04-2000).] |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
Hi Jenni...I have been waiting to meet you (so to speak) and I thank you...maybe its a woman thing...maybe not. Yes my studio has 10 windows and no wall space, no fooling. French doors open on the connecting wall to the living room which sadly has only 4 windows...Now go on and laugh...as this poem was conceived, I actually counted the windows. The windows are old and drafty but I deal with it because I love the look. Storm windows would destroy it! I am not really done with this one yet, and it does have a monotonous tone to it...I am actually drawing a fine line here with what I want to say, what I can say, and what I will say, so this one will take some time to work out. I don't believe a poem is ever finished, you get it to a certain stage and its fit for consumption, then 3 months later you want to rework the whole concept (at least I do anyway) Thanks much for the read...I will look for your work too. |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Haze, I know you previously decoded this one for Jimbo, but this is the picture I get ..... in a sun or garden room lined with windows, you feel the chill of the January air, but thinking of the warmth and passion you feel for someone, and the words that someone has said to you, gets you through that chill, and carries you back to the warmth and "vitality" you felt then. Very nice work, haze, warmhrt |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
Oh warmhrt...EXACTLY!!! THANK YOU!!! (you & Jenni have come as life-savers just when I thought I fell flat on my face) You may have saved this little ditty's fate! Thank you again...~haze |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
perhaps No wall space in a silica sea ? que no?? Or make the title the first line.. [This message has been edited by Local Rebel (edited 01-04-2000).] |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
<<"i'm drawing a fine line here with ... what i can say....">> from the looks of the problems you were having out here earlier, haze, maybe this poem is crying out for some "bre(e)ches" over those damp, black panties.... |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
your poem: today in my journalism class a student was discussing why he believed that everything was art, and that he didn't care about the louvre, or valesquez, or da vinci, but more things he could think about. he called art critics shallow, bias, conservative. to me, your poem is a like a "tres meninas" there is a beauty to it that we may not understand, but we like it. true appreciation would come when we understood it. so i told this student that there is more to a picture than just paint, and even if you get nothing else out of it, you must appreciate the artist and the painting for its skill. so i applaud your skill, you've painted a wonderful picture here, and i wish i better understood it. |
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