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Ted Reynolds
Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 331


0 posted 2000-01-03 11:46 AM


I am love
and you are scorn
for this meeting
were we born

that after years
of practicing
love, and scorn,
for everything

it was determined
from above
I'd love your scorn
which scorns my love

© Copyright 2000 Ted Reynolds - All Rights Reserved
Hawk183
Member
since 1999-12-24
Posts 130

1 posted 2000-01-03 05:22 PM


Isn't that the way love goes....
I like this piece...it is simple yet reads very well and comes to a very meanigful conclusion...good work.

J.L. Humphres
Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201
Alabama
2 posted 2000-01-03 09:44 PM


Good poem; concise and fluid. Enjoyed it much.
       J.L. Humphres

Tim Gouldthorp
Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 170

3 posted 2000-01-03 11:18 PM


I love poetry like this.  The idea if clear, unconfused from start to finish.  The flow of the words is perfect, I don't think anything could be added or changed.  I really like this poem.
warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563

4 posted 2000-01-03 11:36 PM


I truly liked this...short and so very sweet.
Wish I could learn to write such concisely...I always tend to go on and on. Perhaps I'll give it a go.

Good work...keep em coming!
warmhrt

Trevor
Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700
Canada
5 posted 2000-01-04 02:34 AM


Well I guess I'll have to be the bad guy here again. Personally I appreciate the minimalist approach to poetry but I thought that this poem was too vague. Both the word "love" and "scorn" were used four times which I felt was way too much....just my personal opinion. Also if she was "scorn" shouldn't the last two lines read, "I'd love scorn/which(or "who") scorns my love"?
Anyways I thought it lacked in depth and descriptions, but hey that's just my little ol' opinion. Thanks for the read, take care,
Trevor

haze
Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528
Bethlehem, PA USA
6 posted 2000-01-04 08:24 AM


I have to disagree with Trevor...I enjoyed the reverb, the turning...very nice work...I am not a big one for L-word poetry but this had a sense of fun, almost mocking itself...Again Poet...Nice Work
Ted Reynolds
Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 331

7 posted 2000-01-04 08:32 AM


Thank you all for your comments . . . and that certainly includes Trevor.  If you don't like it, say so, and say why, and I'll learn something.
jbouder
Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash
8 posted 2000-01-04 02:27 PM


Ted:

Welcome to Passions and welcome to CA.  I, too, disagree with Trevor (something Trevor is getting used to, by the way).  

If the subject of the poem was "love" or "scorn" I would be inclined to agree with my north-of-the-border friend but since I interpreted the subject of the poem to be, as the title indicates, "An Irony", I think its lack of detail is okay.

This is not to say that I wouldn't want to know more of the specifics of the "love" and "scorn" (Brad's peeping-Tom-iness rubbing off, I guess).  But I think that could be another poem.  You succeed in communicating a sort of providential irony in this poem, however, so, in my opinion, this is a success.

But since this IS CA, I am compelled to offer one little critique (this is why I love this forum) ... why the commas in the second stanza?  I don't see why they are necessary.  They make "and scorn" look more to be an insert into the line than a necessary part of it.  Just  my opinion though.  

Good job on this and, again, welcome.

 Jim

"If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther


Trevor
Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700
Canada
9 posted 2000-01-04 05:19 PM


Jim:
"I, too, disagree with Trevor (something Trevor is getting used to, by the way)."
Yes I am finally becoming comfortable with me being right and you disagreeing with it  

Well to keep with my recent trend of negativity (pls. blame it on me suffering from a really bad chest cold right now) but I don't really find the irony in love loving scorn and scorn scorning love. Perhaps if it was love scorning scorn and scorn loving love there would be irony. To say that something born ("for this meeting we were born") to love, ("I am love") does just that and something born to scorn, ("you are scorn") plays its role as well, is not ironic, at least not to me. And that's why I thought it needed more depth, to help clarify what was so ironic about this relationship. Anyways, I'm muddled as always so I'll sign off,
Trevor

jbouder
Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash
10 posted 2000-01-04 05:41 PM


Trevor (pardons Ted):

I think delusions of grandeur are accompanying that chest cold, my friend.  Or  perhaps you're hitting that Tylenol w/ Codeine a little too hard (over the counter in Canada ... can you send me some of that if I email you my address, btw.  

Actually, Ted, when Trevor and I agree it gives both of us the willies ... so we try to disagree whenever possible.  I still think I'm right, by the way.  

 Jim

"If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther


Trevor
Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700
Canada
11 posted 2000-01-04 09:50 PM


Jim ye ol' land lov'in rapscallion (don't ask me why I went with the pirate word theme??),

"perhaps you're hitting that Tylenol w/ Codeine a little too hard (over the counter in Canada ... can you send me some of that if I email you my address, btw."

Only if you promise to go to K-Mart and pick me up some firearms  

"Actually, Ted, when Trevor and I agree it gives both of us the willies"

I'm going to have to disagree with ya Jim just for the simple fact I don't want to get the heebie-geebies  

"I still think I'm right, by the way."

Yes and the insane never consider themselves to be crazy.    








roxane
Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505
us
12 posted 2000-01-04 11:18 PM


i love the last stanza.  i think the rest of the poem is good, but could use work.  the last stanza is so great.  i love it!!!
Ted Reynolds
Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 331

13 posted 2000-01-05 11:52 AM


Trevor and Jim,

We'll see if I can manage to disagree with both of you in future -- but on someone else's poem, not mine.

Would the irony that I meant be clearer, Trevor, if I emphasized such a great
capacity for love that it loved EVEN scorn, and for scorn that it scorned EVEN love?  As for the commas, it was a close call, and you may be right; I give you permission to quote it without commas.

I think I'll be running into you two guys again.

jbouder
Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash
14 posted 2000-01-05 12:22 PM


Ted:

"Would the irony that I meant be clearer, Trevor, if I emphasized such a great
capacity for love that it loved EVEN scorn, and for scorn that it scorned EVEN love?  As for the commas, it was a close call, and you may be right; I give you permission to quote it without commas."

That is exactly my point and, incidentally, exactly why I disagree with Trevor.  The last stanza, to quote the lovely and talented Roxanne, "is great".  Why?  Because the irony IS loud and clear inspite of the line's simplicity.

About the commas ... this is your poem, my friend.  Their staying or going, I think, is a matter of taste and not, I think, of substance.  Again, excellent job.  




 Jim

"If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther


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