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Critical Analysis #1
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outside in
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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outside in |
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simplyYRREHS Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 162 |
Things look so different from the outside in. An outsider sees freshness and perhaps desires To know the inside more intimately. An outsider doesn't know- An insider sees comfort...sees a safe haven. An insider knows where flaws lurk. An outsider is so overwhelmed by Beautiful difference, that the flaws seem few. To an insider, flaws are important. To an outsider, flaws are a minute problem. As I stand outside my home Peering through my den window, I see solemness. I see a place I want to know. On the inside, I know. I feel comfort. I try to repair flaws. Looking inside, I feel peace. Looking outside, I feel frustration. It's amazing how things look from different sides Of the fence. It's amazing how many emotions each stance creates. So drastic in appearance. I look at you from the inside out. Perhaps too often. We all possess a den internally. A den at which we have two views. An inside look is very easy. Very natural. Very deceiving. Perhaps we all need to look from the outside in... Enjoy a beauty too often overlooked and Underappreciated. [This message has been edited by simplyYRREHS (edited 01-05-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Sherry - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
simplyYRREHS (let me guess ... Sherry?): Quite the philosopher you appear to be! The more I read it, the more I am beginning to appreciate free-verse. I can appreciate the depth of thought that went into this one. I found myself struggling at times to distinguish whether you were referring to "inside" or "outside" in a few lines (my eyes playing tricks on me) but, by slowing down my reading a bit, I was able to cope. Welcome to Passions, by the way. If you don't mind, I am going to leave the more indepth critique to those more capable of offering advice on the free-verse format. Thanks for the read. Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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simplyYRREHS Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 162 |
jim... my first reply...thanks for being so gentle. free verse has been a great refuge for me forever...and enjoy knowing that there are some who take delight in the fancies of my thoughts. philosopher? just inquisitive down to my own roots of thinking! i possess not the etiquette/rules of writing, but simply do what works for me...such an incredible release...so am wary of those who will critique me structurally! Very happy knowing you could "see" a bit of what i was attempting to spill...  sherry |
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John Foulstone Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 100Australia |
Welcome, Sherry! Congrats on first post. Let me say straight off I don't go much for free verse, though I have had to study it. Always preferred the English Romantics. I liked your thoughts, would only suggest perhaps some compacting to strengthen the effect, and a smoothing of the rhythmic flow here and there. "Solemness" jarred me somewhat, but the last one word line worked beautifully. Typo in third last line - "oustide"? Again, Welcome. |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
i like what you're saying in this poem, but i think that you don't give the reader enough credit. you give so much, maybe too much of your idea away. first you demonstrate the difference between someone looking at something (or someone) from the inside and one looking at something from the outside. this gives the reader enough of an idea as to what you are saying. however, with the reference to the house, then the people, i think you go off on a tangent. having either one topic or the other, i think would suit this poem. also, i sort of dislike the reference to the internal den. something about it, don't know what it is. anyways, this is a good start. good luck with your future postings. |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
Welcome To CA! Since your first post has been adequately sliced and diced I will not continue with the paring. I agree with Roxanne completely, and being the (perhaps) less-is-more-fanatic here would suggest you take out some unnecessary words. Other than that, I am intrigued by the concept and the layers of emotion you have shown in great depth...Applause...I will be looking for more of your work also |
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