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Critical Analysis #1

Enrapture

jaxjoy
Member

since 1999-12-14

Posts 112
Texas

0 posted 1999-12-30 10:37 PM

Silence
Within you
as your battle goes on.
The violent hush
of passion restrained.

Your words
once sweet as honey
seemed to drip from your lips
with such magic.

Your spell
enraptures me
Captures me
like prey
in the spider's
silken web.

I do not struggle
to escape
your manacles.
I quietly wait
to be devoured
consumed
To become part of you.

Songbird
Member Elite

since 1999-12-15

Posts 2184
Missouri

1 posted 1999-12-30 11:43 PM

Oooh, so beautiful.

jaxjoy
Member

since 1999-12-14

Posts 112
Texas

2 posted 1999-12-31 01:40 PM

thank you

warmhrt
Senior Member

since 1999-12-18

Posts 1563

3 posted 1999-12-31 02:17 PM

Loved the contrast of violent and hush. Good imagery and wording. Only change I'd suggest is instead of "seemed to drip", it should be "seem to drip", so you remain within one tense. Nice work!

warmhrt

jaxjoy
Member

since 1999-12-14

Posts 112
Texas

4 posted 1999-12-31 05:10 PM

thank you for your suggestion..however I meant "seemed" because the words were "once sweet as honey" but not anymore. Past tense. If I said "seem" then that would mean that the words still do drip like magic and they don't. Hope that made sense???

I do know what you mean though, because the rest of the poem is present. My feelings are in present tense, but the other person's aren't. Hmmm.. perhaps I am just confusing everyone !!!

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