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Critical Analysis #1
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Astraea
Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 378
California! Yeah! Okay, I'm done now

0 posted 1999-12-29 09:08 PM


They say we are individuals
I say that they are wrong
They say we are each our own person
I say that may not be so
They say I'm a loner
And I can say nothing

Walking aroung, tirelessly aching
Smiling a smile that never touches my heart
Laughing a laugh that never reaches my spirit
And living a life I was loathe to live
They say I was morbid
Who are they to judge?

I saw her crying, face buried in her hands
I felt my compassion rising, despite what I knew
So I walked over, like the ghost of contentment I was
And asked her what was wrong
They say that I take advantage
What do they ever know?

She sobbed and stumbled, blushing her confusion
I laughed a true laugh and saw her smile softly
Trembling like a rabbit in the sight of a lone wolf
She told me the story
They say I never listen
But when are they ever there?

Her heart was bleeding, her life shattered
She didn't want to go on living since there was nothing in her life
She burbled and cried, tears falling down her face
Telling me she would refuse to listen to anything I would say
They say I have no heart
Why would they even care?

I looked at her strangely and she waited for some contempt
For surely I would condemn her thoughts of surrendering without a fight
But I smiled at her, if a bit sadly
And said to her

"How can you think that you could leave this place now?
What right do you have to steal yourself away from people who love you?
For if we stopped at every thorn
We would never reach the roses."

She looked at me in shock, the anguish slowly leaving
And before she could say a word, I left
The breeze whispering forever in my ear: thank you
The next day she was there, smiling proudly and strong
I know she will cry again, she told me later,
But she would never forget the time I told her
That she would never reach the true beauty life had
If she stopped for every pit
And then she handed me a rose and called me a name I did not expect
It was sweet, soft and thrilling
The word was friend

They say I am morbid
Maybe this is true
They say that I take advantage
Perhaps they have not seen
They say I never listen
And that I have no heart
Well I say that I was merely waiting
Until I can see the roses


 "Sometimes stars can only be seen in darkness."

"Sorrow's crown of sorrow is remembering happier things."


© Copyright 1999 Tiffany - All Rights Reserved
Songbird
Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184
Missouri
1 posted 1999-12-30 12:58 PM


This was beautiful, I especially like these two lines,  For if we stopped at every thorn
We would never reach the roses.  Apparently "they" don't know the sensitive person, sweet person that lives inside.

dispatch debbie
Junior Member
since 1999-12-29
Posts 16
Michigan
2 posted 1999-12-30 12:55 PM


Astraea,

Here and there I lost myself with the lack of punctuation but that's only me.  Extremely touching and personal, as family member not so long ago committed suicide.  Expresses so well the aspect of how we see others, how they see us and unselfish reaching out.  Thank you for the opportunity to read this.

Debbie


 Treat others the way you wish to be treated.

roxane
Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505
us
3 posted 2000-01-01 02:12 PM


the first stanza had me thinking that i wasn't going to like this poem, but i have to say that i like it rather well.  especially the characters.  they are developed so clearly.  i also like the description and emotion behind the word friend.  that is truly touching.  i think however that the last stanza should be reworked.  it makes it sound as if the narrator is selfish, which we know is untrue.

They say I am morbid
Maybe this is true
They say that I take advantage
Perhaps they have not seen
They say I never listen
And that I have no heart
Well I say that I was merely waiting
Until I can see the roses

my point is that i don't think that the narrator did see the roses.  rather, he proved that he wasn't morbid, or heartless.  that's what i think should be better demonstrated.  the repition of the first few lines is wonderful.
overall, great poem.

patchoulipumpkin
Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 196
Bermuda
4 posted 2000-01-02 07:44 PM


I thought this was really beautiful. I haven't anything constructive to say, except i really enjoyed it.  brilliant writing.
warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563

5 posted 2000-01-03 12:28 PM


The first time I read this, I thought I didn't like it. However, I took the time to really read it, and I loved it. I especially liked the "ghost of contentment", and the roses and thorns stanza. This painted pictures for me, and brought back some long forgotten memories. Good work!

warmhrt

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