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The Faucet
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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The Faucet |
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Songbird Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184Missouri |
The Faucet The constant drip of the faucet Soon wore away The silent calm... The minute droplets Ever gaining momentum Became as rods of steel Sounding a gong With every drop. |
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| © Copyright 1999 Marcia Estep - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
This is an interesting start but you left me hanging at the end! I would develop this one more, perhaps expanding on the maddening effect the little droplets have on the hearer. When I read a poem I want to remember it a week, two weeks, a month later. Again, develop this one a bit more. Give it some meat and a strong conclusion. Just my suggestions. Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
personally...if feel the drip drip drip... but think it might be better honed a bit... I offer only with the utmost respect, to be taken or left as you see fit... "The Faucet The constant drip wore away silent calm Minute droplets gaining momentum Became as rods Steel sounding a gong." Just my personal preference...Either way...I liked it! |
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Songbird Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184Missouri |
Thank you both for your comments. This was written at a time in my life when I had an annoying fellow employee who could only point out everything wrong with everyone they worked with. |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
this is excellent, sort of an ode to a faucet really. i like the effect that the drops have on the night, and the way that they are described so that rather than being a tiny sound, they are sounding a gong! this is very good/ |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I like the way this poem develops and I like Haze's variation. I agree with Jim that there's a lot more to do with the idea but I like this one short and sweet. Perhaps write another poem. |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
i liked this piece, too, very effective! the only thing i didn't like was the word "minute"...just a pet peeve of mine, really, it always takes a second for the reader to recognize that you didn't mean "minute."  will your follow-up piece be called "poet goes postal?" thanks for a good read, jenni |
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Hawk183 Member
since 1999-12-24
Posts 130 |
I really like the "chinese water torture" theme here...I would have to agree with Jim about the profoundness however...there seems to be so much more that you are only hinting at, but like any great poet...you write for your own reasons , and if this poem said to you what you wanted it to...then it was a smashing success...Great piece. |
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Songbird Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184Missouri |
Minute is a crazy English word! It is very mi-nute but you can stumble over it in a min-ute or a second. Maybe we can think of a better word for mi-nute. Thank you all for your comment, and yes Haze I like your version. |
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