Footprints - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Critical Analysis #1

Footprints

Songbird
Member Elite

since 1999-12-15

Posts 2184
Missouri

0 posted 1999-12-28 12:10 PM

        Footprints

Footprints
  Etched in mud
     Dried hard
         In the noonday sun...

Mark a path
   To where
      Someone's gone
          After the rain..

Honeybee
Member Ascendant

since 1999-12-26

Posts 5372
Ontario, CANADA

1 posted 1999-12-28 12:17 PM

Septsong:

          Short, but sweet.  Sometimes less is more, and you proved that cliche correct very well with your poem.  Flows very well.
The first verse is my favourite because I love the lines " footprints etched in mud dried hard in the noonday sun."  That is just perfect.

   * Melissa Honeybee *

Trevor
Senior Member

since 1999-08-12

Posts 700
Canada

2 posted 1999-12-29 10:12 AM

I agree with Melissa, short and sweet, saying a lot with few words. The only suggestion I have is perhaps the last line could come off a little stronger if you changed it to "through the rain" instead of after the rain. Just an Idea, thanks for the read.

Songbird
Member Elite

since 1999-12-15

Posts 2184
Missouri

3 posted 1999-12-29 11:09 AM

Trevor, thanks again for your comment. I believe you have a good idea there, never thought of that. Septsong

warmhrt
Senior Member

since 1999-12-18

Posts 1563

4 posted 1999-12-29 12:32 PM

I agree with the others...short, but very sweet. You seem to have quite a knack for this format, and do it very well. Good work!

warmhrt

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.