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Critical Analysis #1
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warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563


0 posted 1999-12-27 12:18 PM



In lofty castles made of dreams she lived,
She rarely glanced through clouded veils below,
Here was more than reality could give,
Within her reach were bluebirds and rainbows,
Music and ballrooms, robes of indigo,
Rich damasks, satins and silks, velvets plush,
Feasts for all of the senses were bestowed,
Upon her, at her bidding, all things lush.
One day, the clouds dissipated, and so,
She had a clear view, saw where she should be,
What she should be doing, where she must go,
She wanted to feel more than bliss, you see,
Experience real life, all one should know,
Virgin emotions rained elegiac,
Tears fall, though she knows she'll never go back.

warmhrt




[This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 05-23-2000).]

© Copyright 1999 warmhrt - All Rights Reserved
jbouder
Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash
1 posted 1999-12-27 04:32 PM


WH:

I am amazed at the speed at which you are turning these out.  You certainly have the format down and you have written a beautifully worded poem.

Now I think it is time for you to begin tightening up the meter.

"in LOF- / ty CAST- / les of / DREAMS she / did LIVE"

It would be interesting to know whether two iambic feet and two anapestic feet are acceptable in a traditional sonnet format.  See what I mean?

"in LOF- / ty CAST- / les of DREAMS / she did LIVE"

The rhyme scheme, syllable count, and number of lines are actually the easier elements of sonnet writing.  Meter gives the sonnet its lyrical, song-like quality.

Your second line is in iambic pentameter.

"She RARE- / ly GLANCED / through CLOUD- / ed VEILS / beLOW"

Now read the two lines again, this time aloud, and see if you hear what I am talking about.

Its good to see more people in here who can appreciate a good challenge. Feels good to stretch yourself, huh?  



 Jim

"If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther


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