Nimble Fingers (The Original)

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Critical Analysis #1

Nimble Fingers (The Original)

warmhrt
Senior Member

since 1999-12-18

Posts 1563

0 posted 1999-12-26 11:21 AM

This is the original poem I wrote from which I borrowed the idea(and some of the words)for my first attempt at a sonnet.

Nimble Fingers

he picked and strummed
his way across,
then into, my heart,
so expertly, he pulled the strings,
fingered the chords,
that there arose within me
a deep and stirring
soulful song.

now the songbook has closed,
my heart is void of sweet melody,
of aortic rhythm,
it longs for the gentle strumming,
yearns for his nimble fingers,
to play it once more.

instead its ventricles remain untouched,
its mitral valve incapable
of emitting a single note,
it wearily pumps the blood
that is now not as red nor as warm,
its function now purely of the physical.

Though, occasionally,
it does shudder and sigh,
as do I, while wiping away
painful tears, and listening
to guitar solos
in the dark.

warmhrt

Fairy Colours
Member

since 1999-12-02

Posts 169
Sunrise,Fl,US

1 posted 1999-12-26 05:05 PM

Like I said before, I love this one.

Hawk183
Member

since 1999-12-24

Posts 130

2 posted 1999-12-26 10:36 PM

I really like this poem...it is tragic in a very moving way. The use of metaphor makes the "tune" more profound. I would be interested to know if the author didn't write this one from the heart.

Songbird
Member Elite

since 1999-12-15

Posts 2184
Missouri

3 posted 1999-12-27 12:18 PM

I really like this, it reads smoothly up until you get to this point, I would leave these three lines out and combine the last part where they are now as you have already given us the picture. it wearily pumps the blood
that is now not as red nor as warm,
its function now purely of the physical

warmhrt
Senior Member

since 1999-12-18

Posts 1563

4 posted 1999-12-27 02:22 AM

Thank you for your kind comments. I, personally, hold this piece close to my heart. Yes, Hawk, it was pulled from real emotion, and true memories. Septsong, I think you may be right...it does flow a bit better that way.
Thanks again,

warmhrt

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