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That Perfect Phrase (A Simple Poem)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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That Perfect Phrase (A Simple Poem) |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563
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the morning sun enters my kitchen window, which begs to be washed, and finds me sitting, bent over the round oak pedestal table, filled with books, and papers and mail. i sip coffee from a mug on which a photo of my daughter smiles at me, as i attempt to compose, searching for just the right words, the proper cadence, but, this morn, they escape me. frustrated, i push the papers aside, and look up at the cloudless expanse of azure, not seeing the film on the window, nor the dust on the sill, sipping now lukewarm coffee, smoking one more cigarette. then suddenly it comes to me, the perfect phrase, the word i needed, and the rhythm just falls into place, and as the sun moves higher, i am again bent over the table, working with my passion, the potency of words. warmhrt |
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| © Copyright 1999 warmhrt - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kenneth Ray Taylor Member
since 1999-11-11
Posts 139Duluth, Minnesota, USA |
A good poem. It has a "daily, all-is-well" mood about it. It speaks of a minor victory we all can appreciate. I usually admonish people to use standard punctuation, since it's the common currency of English communication. But your simple punctuation scheme works for this poem--even enhances it, by making it more conversational in tone. |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
a fine work of finding the muse...I much enjoyed this view...KUDOS |
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manalive325 Junior Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 21 |
I found myself easily tuning to your mood and scene. Its a very comfortable place. |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Thanks to all three of you for your kind comments. I'm very happy that this simple poem was enjoyed. It's a different style for me, straight-forward, and totally reality based. Glad it seemed to work. Thanks again for taking the time to read and comment. warmhrt  |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
WH: You ever read a poem and feel as though you were looking in the mirror (except for the cigarette and the picture of my kid on my coffee mug)? This is an excellent illustration of a writer's tunnel-vision. Are we all like that?  Your word choice, as usual, is very good, in my opinion. There is also a well defined "movement" (a necessity in free-verse, so I am told) from stanza to stanza. You made me chuckle to myself, AT myself, with this one. Thank you. Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
This was quite enjoyable. I can't say that I have had this exact experience but there have been times when a word just wouldn't come, then finally, for no apparent reason, it suddenly occurs. Now I know it's the trendy thing and I'm pretty much old fashioned, but it still bothers me to see poems written in all lower case. I have a hard enough time with free verse but every once in a while one comes along which I can relate to. This is one of those. Pete |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
I thought her [SHIFT] button was broken, Trevor. Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Thanks Pete and Jim, glad you enjoyed. No, Jim, my shift button is NOT broken, I'm just lazy...actually I feel that free verse is broken up by using two different cases of letters. I find the flow is much smoother, and words less intimidating when presented in lower case. Besides, it's one of my personal poetic signatures. Thanks, guys, for reading, and taking the time to comment. I do sincerely appreciate it. warmhrt |
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dispatch debbie Junior Member
since 1999-12-29
Posts 16Michigan |
Pictureque & good sense of rythm. Enjoyed the feeling of anticipation and discovery that comes with finding that one, workable phrase. Treat others the way you wish to be treated. |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Welcome, Debbie! I'm fairly new, and am already feeling quite at home here. Good people, good conversation, and, most of all, good poetry. They respectfully critique, and offer advice, which promotes growth as a poet. Thank you for your kind comments, and I'll be sure to look at some of your work. warmhrt |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I like this poem as well. So the perfect phrase was 'the perfect phrase'? I just love stuff like that. Warmhrt: well, you got me going to two poems here. Brad |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Brad, You "just love stuff like that"? That does not sound at all like the Brad I've come to know through reading dozens upon dozens of your critiques. Is this some kind of joke? If not, I apologize, and I'm glad you enjoyed. warmhrt  [This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 01-13-2000).] |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I enjoyed it, I enjoyed it. Geez, what does a guy have to do around here to compliment a poem? |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Okay, I wholeheartedly accept the fact that you enjoyed it, and am so very glad you did. Not even one little dice? Not a sliver of a slice?  Really ... thanks, warmhrt |
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