Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash
LOL. Thanks for the compliments. A little afraid of reading my poems? Miracle worker? You don't need to the be former and I certainly am far from being the latter. Thanks.
Thanks for replying. Pain (not overbearing) and wonderment pretty much sum it up. I love my boys, though, and I am glad that I was able to communicate that atleast semi-effectively in this poem.
Your comment stunned me. Thank you.
Working on it.
Jenni (last but not least):
Anyone who is not completely honest with anything I write and post in CA or anywhere else is not doing me any favors. If I wanted warm fuzzies I would stay in Open Poetry (no offense to those who post in Open Poetry ... I post there too but, maybe its just my Pennsylvanian cynicism, but all the niceness in there sometimes makes me want to spew). I don't want this to be the best piece I've ever written. Constructive criticism is what makes this Forum work, in my opinion. If you were dishonest in your critique, I would probably have never given second thoughts to your points on meter. No offense ... I mean NO offense ... was taken.
"His love is blazoned on his beaming smile."
I see your point on the "...BLAZ-oned on his BEAM-ing..." I'll address that in a bit.
"And each Dark night"
This is where I am going to have to enlist Brad's help. I've looked and looked and I can't find where Brad posted this information ... I may even be understanding it incorrectly, but I seem to remember him (Brad) mentioned something about stressed syllables. I think he said something along the lines that some see syllables as not only "stressed" and "unstressed", but, rather, they see stressed syllables in levels ... 1, 2, 3, and 4.
Again, Brad, forgive me if I've got this wrong. I am going by four week old memory here. My point is, yes, you could read "Dark night" as a spondaic foot. My own natural reading of the line stresses "Dark" slightly less than "each" and "night" but more than the preceeding "And". If I am understanding Brad's illusive explanation correctly (keeping in mind that I could be totally wrong), the stresses (numbered from least stressed "1" to most stressed "4") would be "And (1) each (4) Dark (3) night (4) ..."
BRAD!!! IF YOU'RE OUT THERE!!! HELP! Seriously, if I am understanding this 1-2-3-4 thing wrong I would like to know.
And, Jenni, thanks for pointing out and confirming that my suspicions were correct that Philip was right about the punctuation. And never again apologize for an honest critique ... at least not to me.
"If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther