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Kenneth Ray Taylor
Member

since 1999-11-11

Posts 139
Duluth, Minnesota, USA

0 posted 1999-12-19 10:06 PM

Beneath the Stars

My friend, my friend,
to walk with you along the road
in cool of evening.
Neither has to say a word,
but holding hands
communicate our thoughts.

We happen upon
an isolated patch of ground,
clear out of eyeshot
from the cottages,
and naughty us, oh naughty us,
fulfill what we desire
beneath the stars.

----------------------
What can I say? It's getting increasingly difficult for people to find a place that they can still smoke.

haze
Senior Member

since 1999-11-03

Posts 528
Bethlehem, PA USA

1 posted 1999-12-20 10:24 AM

LOL...nice work...okay star imagery is tired (as previously discussed...but the layer of romance here is lovely work ~i much enjoyed "naughty us")
still laughing...thanks

jbouder
Member Elite

since 1999-09-18

Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash

2 posted 1999-12-20 01:37 PM

Kenneth, Kenneth, Kenneth. Between you and Philip, the two of you are going to get me fired by all of my laughing that you cause (even though it IS my lunch hour).

Is the little smoking blurb at the end intended to be part of the poem? If it isn't maybe you should add it. I almost succumbed to temporary incontinence. You have a gift for wit.

Jim

"If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther

Poertree
Senior Member

since 1999-11-05

Posts 1359
UK

3 posted 1999-12-20 02:44 PM

Lunch is for wimps Jim.

Ken this cracked me up - keep going and we'll have Jim out of work and consequently lots more of his delicious Spenserian sonnets ... mmmm

Philip

Trevor
Senior Member

since 1999-08-12

Posts 700
Canada

4 posted 1999-12-21 07:58 AM

Hello,
I'm going to have to agree with Jim....though it pains me so

. You really should add in the smoking blurb, though leave out the "What can I say?" and change "that" to "where". I really liked the "oh naughty us" doubled up. Take care and thanks for the read,
Trevor

Fairy Colours
Member

since 1999-12-02

Posts 169
Sunrise,Fl,US

5 posted 1999-12-21 08:43 AM

This is funny. What more can I say except I love it!

--A Little Fairy--

Kenneth Ray Taylor
Member

since 1999-11-11

Posts 139
Duluth, Minnesota, USA

6 posted 1999-12-21 09:27 AM

Thank you all. The comment at the end is not part of the poem. It's a diversion for the sake of my more proper friends--though I was raised in a family where smoking and drinking were right up there with murder and adultery, so perhaps the actual meaning would be less offensive to some people.

As for adding that line to the poem, I'm reluctant to do so, since I have so few serious poems already.

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