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Letting Go
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Letting Go |
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lisaloco New Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 7 |
Letting Go I've decided to tell the story. a story I know by heart. That's lingered in me for years and years yet has no end or start. It's about this little girl, who wandered the streets of life, searching for something she was missing, searching day and night. But what she did not know was that something was following her. Staying close behind, just one step back waiting for its turn, to show her the hidden map that only certain people find. Written long before she was even born, there's only one of its kind. For this something that was following her goes by the name of Fate. Gently guiding the girl through her course, through each and every gate. Yet Fate had a surprise for this girl, something that wasn't on the map. For even in every destined soul there is something of a gap, that needs to be filled in, with hard choices that are made, those decisions are the building blocks, the stones that are to be laid. So Fate removed his hand from the girl and watched as she slipped from sight. He had no control over her now, this was all to be her fight. The girl continued on her journey, feeling invincible as the mighty Excalibur, cutting down everything in her path, good, bad, and dear to her. But she soon began to realize, that her grip was not as strong. Weakness overtook her body, something must be wrong. No one was there to comfort her. No one to take her hand. She had gotten rid of the loves in her life, with no one there was to stand. So the girl sat there by herself, trying to fight as best she could, but she had no inspiration, to her, nothing in life was good. Day after day, she fought this losing battle wondering when, if the end was near. When out of the darkness Fate arose, her life was his to steer As he held her in his arms, Fate looked into her eyes, he decided to tell her his own story to prove life is worth the fight. "Once upon a time my dear I was just as low as you. Feeling so lost and hurt by life, but then i figured out what to do. Just let go, let go of the reigns because they are just holding you down. You can be free as a bird and gather your dreams, nestled on that far away cloud. So now I have dedicated my life, to guiding others on their way. Helping them to find themselves to make life worth living each day. People think they have no control, but in reality they do, when they say they believe in Fate they're believing in what they already knew. They think that they have found, the power to know what's right. They give me all the credit, but I only help keep their sight. I give them a sense of focus, so they take things as they come. I guide their minds and heal their souls but they are actually the ones, who have this hidden power, to have anything in their dreams. Yet most people do not know they have it, for it cannot be seen. But now you understand, that your life is in your hold. take comfort in this story of mine for it will help you reach your goals." So the girl lived out her days, finding the happiness she didn't know. for it was always close like Fate had said, all she had to do was let go. |
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| © Copyright 1999 lisaloco - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Hello Lisa Welcome to Critical - I took the liberty before responding to this of reading all of your other postings to Passions. I have no idea why you chose this particular piece to post here in Critical, because I have to say right away that for strictly poetic value (whatever that might be) I didn't think that this was your best by any means. Having said that I was drawn into the story that you were telling, and it must have been compelling because although it is a long poem it had no difficulty in grabbing my attention and holding it to the end. I happen to like story poems and especially those about first hand real life experiences so from that point of view it was fabulous. In such a poem however I always feel that it is vital that the structure of the poem (the verse itself if you like) doesn't get in the way and distract the reader from the story line. Longfellow was master at letting verse flow so smoothly and beautifully that the story unfolds without the reader's attention being distracted by the medium (the written word). In a few places I just felt that your flow could be improved as it seemed a little "bumpy" and, as you are using a rhyming scheme, but you are not following a regular meter or syllable count, perhaps it is even more essential to try to achieve "flow". In closing I just want to emphasise firstly that the above comments are meant constructively, secondly this was a compelling and attractive story which I greatly enjoyed and thirdly (and most importantly) this is just my opinion and I am no "expert", plenty more people here will have differing opinions, which is what this forum is all about. Keep writing Philip [This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 12-19-1999).] |
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leon Junior Member
since 1999-12-13
Posts 23 |
My only comments on this piece is that it just needs to be pared down. A few stanzas can be removed for better reading. Just my humble, bias opinion. Thanks for posting. Leon |
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