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Critical Analysis #1
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Songbird
Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184
Missouri

0 posted 1999-12-18 01:02 PM



       A Gentle Knight

On a misty, foggy night
In a kingdom just outside of dreams
A Knight sat down, just beyond his castle walls
Without a sword and shield,
And without a horse he'd come
Nothing in his hand he held,
Nor with bugle call he sounded.
He calmly sat, listening...
Perchance he heard his name.

The kingdom gates stood ajar
In the flickering moonlight
The castle's silhouette would come in view
The drawbridge was drawn upright.
The moat circled round, wide and deep.
Watchfully he sat as many nights before,
Keeping vigil while his lady slept
He knew full well, whe was a lady in distress.

Magically and silently the drawbridge lowered
In a twinkling of his eye,
An Unspoken voice said, come heather
The Knight boldly walked barefoot
Across the heavy planks
Right up to the crystal castle door
Through the glass
He viewed the young maiden
Yearning now, to be set free

The door was all that lay between them
With gentle hands
He turned the chambers of it's combination lock
Listening closely for the affirmation of each click
Then when the moment was just right
He took the key from his secret pocket
And unlocked the deadbolt on the door
The golden latch came open...
Oh, What a wonderful night!



© Copyright 1999 Marcia Estep - All Rights Reserved
leon
Junior Member
since 1999-12-13
Posts 23

1 posted 1999-12-18 02:18 PM


Hey! that was a good ending. Just when I thought it was going to be another day and knight story, it surprised me.

Sincerely
Leon

Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
2 posted 1999-12-18 07:01 PM


This reminds me of a Suzanne Vega song which I rather like.  You set up the story well but the ending is curiously unsatisfying (even with the chastity belt thing going).  I wondered what the maiden was thinking through all of this.   Still, it reads well; I just think there might be more you could bring out here.

Just a qualifier here: I find it hard to read high fantasy like this unless it's meant comically -- you have some of that here but I think there should be more.

Just an opinion,
Brad

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