»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
Reminiscences of a Wasted Life
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
Reminiscences of a Wasted Life |
|
|
poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
Reminscences of a Wasted Life I am no one and everyone -- I trod the desolate lands I am the face of the weary -- the lonely war-torn man For I have seen the river Styx and where the waters end I have beheld the Morning Star and Yahweh's mighty hand Once I gazed upon madness' face and averted not my eyes And thus surrendered unto him my sanity and pride And Lucifer on wings of light did from the Heaven's fall And landed at my wearied feet -- his splintered wings and all And as he rose a firey glare upon my eyes befell This hateful look his story told -- "I'll see your soul in Hell!" For I am damndest of the saved -- I live my life alone A lonely, silent, accursed saint -- my story never told **jerome the boy with no brain |
||
| © Copyright 1999 Jerome Solomon - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
i like this, a portrait of complex, yet simple man, any man, every man, yet as you write no man at all. thought provoking. my favorite line "his splintered wings and all" this is a great piece with great imagery.  |
||
|
poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
dear roxane, thank you for your kind words originally (as most of my poems seem to begin) this was to be about me... somehow the verse fell into a story about one far older and far wiser than i... it's one of only 4 pieces i've written in the last year... i posted another one (topic: A Love Poem That Ends Happily) in the Teen forum if you'd like to read it and let me know what you think... it's one of my few love poems and i'd appreciate your thoughts if you have the time sincerely, **jerome the boy with no brain |
||
|
Brie New Member
since 1999-12-06
Posts 8WA |
"For I am damndest of the saved--I live my life alone." I like that line the best, I think. The suggestion that a life without sins and crimes can still fail to be a "good" life. This should make anyone think about what they've actually achieved in life. -Brie "I'll give you time to steal my mind, but wait for me." |
||
|
jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
I agree with both of the previous comments. The imagery is remarkable. The "all I know is but rubbish" effect is powerful. "For I am the damndest of the saved" is very effective. Good job. Oh yeah ... and as far as the poem being about someone far wiser than you, remember, the sophists are the ones who know not but know not that they know not. The wise (at least according to Socrates) are the ones who recognize their limitations and ignorance, despite their vast learning and experience. Sorry about that last comment. Spending too much time in Philosophy 101, I guess.  |
||
|
Willem Member
since 1999-11-18
Posts 139Inverness, FL, USA |
Having seen with my own eyes what a big city looks like only weeks after an atomic bomb attack, I can only imagine what the guy who dropped it must have felt when he saw the explosion when it occurred. I would feel shattered by guilt and a terrible sadness for the rest of my life. On the other hand, the man saved many thousands of other lives, including my own. But that's material for another story. I sympathize with the writer of this poem more than I can say here. Willem |
||
|
Kenneth Ray Taylor Member
since 1999-11-11
Posts 139Duluth, Minnesota, USA |
Jerome, This is my favorite of your poems that I've read so far. It's deep and thoughtful. The title doesn't seem to fit, for no where in the poem does it speak of a wasted life. Perhaps it could be called something like "A Life at Its End." I like your sense of rhythm. It's easy to read yet varied enough to be interesting. It has good imaginative imagery throughout. Here are some suggestion. (You may take them or leave them.) "I have beheld the Morning Star and Yahweh's mighty hand"--I found this line hard to read, since I didn't know whether or not to stress the word "have." I would change it to "And I've beheld...." "Once I gazed upon madness' face and averted not my eyes." I would change this to "Once I gazed in madness' face, averting not my eyes." "And Lucifer on wings of light did from the Heaven's fall And landed at my wearied feet -- his splintered wings and all" No suggestions. Just wanted to say I love these lines. They remind me of Emily Dickinson, one of my favorite poets. "A lonely, silent, accursed saint -- my story never told" Again, I loved this line. The meter seems to demand that "accursed" be pronounces with three syllables (as Alexander Scourby would do). Hence, I would let the readers know this by writing it "accurs-ed." (I like to cheat). My last suggestion, punctuation. I know it isn't fashionable to punctuate poems. But I find standard punctuation a great aid in understanding poems. This poem actually doesn't need it as much as most do, but I think it helps the reader--sort of as large print aids people with dimming eyes. I'm getting to be a bit envious of your poetic ability. Envious in a playful (not hateful) way. |
||
|
poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
everyone ~ i'm delighted and honored that most of you seemed to like my poem... i was a bit worried to post my works on this forum, but i've found the advice to be both considerate towards myself and helpful in my growth as a writer... K.R. Taylor, thank you for you advice, i've made a few adjustments to the improve the flow of the poem... sincerely, **jerome the boy with no brain |
||
|
Sir Real Junior Member
since 1999-12-11
Posts 17 |
wow, I got chills reading this. Outstanding. I identified in a way I'm not sure I like.... Great poem! sirreal |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
