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Critical Analysis #1
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captaincargo
Member
since 1999-11-25
Posts 109
Corning, N.Y. U.S.A.

0 posted 1999-12-01 09:00 PM


Damn you! Damn you all to hell.
How many times must you abuse me?
While I faithfully, day after day, care for you.
Ever I give you what you need, keep you clean and dry.
Asking little in return, only that you abide with me in domestic peace.
Was it not I that found you out in the bitter cold, battered and bruised?
Tossed away with nowhere to go, but the worlds garbage pile.
Lovingly and tenderly I nursed you back to health,
giving you shelter from the caustic elements of the outside world.
Yet time and again you injure and cut me viciously!
I cry out, but tears go spitefully unattended,
as you sit there in your wooden contentment.
And still night after night, as I only seek small comfort to assuage my terrible thirst, you bring me to my knees times without end.
As I lie wounded and bloody from your tortuous edges,
steadfastly you remain, unmoved and uncaring, silent in your evil contempt for me.
No more. Hear you this, spawn of Satan!
No more I say. I send you back to the refuse pile to which you were intended.
Back to the destiny that I plucked you from, your fate is sealed.
Damn you.
Damn you to Hell!
Stupid coffee table!

------------------
Cap. Carg.

© Copyright 1999 captaincargo - All Rights Reserved
YodasGhost
New Member
since 1999-11-20
Posts 8
Escondido.CA, USA
1 posted 1999-12-01 11:00 PM


Way to go cap! I thought you had a cat.

jbouder
Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash
2 posted 1999-12-02 08:25 AM


Hah! Glad I kept going 'til the end! Who needs coffee tables anyway ... isn't that why God made beer-bellies? This was fun ... may I? "Damn you to hell stupid coffee table!"

------------------
Jim

"If I rest, I rust." -Martin Luther


Poertree
Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359
UK
3 posted 1999-12-02 05:51 PM


After I recovered from rolling around laughing I read this again and, quite apart from the great ending, thought it was an excellent poem. Which is interesting because (for some reason I can't put my finger on) it feels like a "poem" not prose.

Please can someone tell me why this is so?

Meantime I really loved it CC .... (considering whether to report you to the RSPCT though .. lol)

Philip

Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
4 posted 1999-12-03 12:12 PM


I enjoyed this poem. I would however think about pruning it slightly to increase the impact of the final line. I found it dragged in the middle and found myself forcing to finish the rest of it (because I began to take it seriously and was going to complain about the use of hyperbole -- I'm sure glad I was wrong)

Brad

Fairy Colours
Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 169
Sunrise,Fl,US
5 posted 1999-12-04 11:14 AM


I did something like this to my friends just recently, but it was about gum. I would post it here for you but it is a little naughty. I loved your poem. LOL. I thought you were talking about a person. you are so creative.
A little fairy

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