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Critical Analysis #1
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You Kissed My Wife (PG-13 for Violence)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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You Kissed My Wife (PG-13 for Violence) |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash 
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You kissed my wife, my foolish friend, And now good health's about to end. I teach you now this less'n of life: You never kiss a blackbelt's wife. A round-kick stings your outer-thigh, An o'erhand punch below your eye. You telegraph your swing at me, I step beneath, and groin meets knee. My elbow swings to break you jaw But do not think I'd let you fall Because your pain has just begun And I am having so much fun! I feign a stumble in my dance To let you think you have a chance. You ball you fist, a punch you throw, I plant my hip and up you go! But as you fall I hold your wrist, And, with both hands, a little twist. A lonesome tear rolls down your face. You soil your pants in foul disgrace. You bumped me from my grand delusion Just before his great contusion! So while you're up please be a dear And fetch your man another beer. Then I'll drift off to save your honor. Surely, then, he'll be a goner. ------------------ Jim "If I rest, I rust." -Martin Luther |
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| © Copyright 1999 Jim Bouder - All Rights Reserved | |||
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
the violence kind of bothers me, but i see that you were very upset. a kiss is just a kiss though; maybe you overreacted. anyways, i have to say you stayed true to your rhyme scheme, and it did keep my attention. i only hope that it was a real life experience. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Jim, your rhyme sceme makes this scene seem comic (along with a little male adolescent power fantasy) -- Is this the effect you were shooting for? It seems to me that your not quite sure where you want to go with this one yet. The character in the poem seems quite satisfied with his little fit of rage and nowhere do you hear the voice of the wife (did she like the kiss? Was she honored that you would fight for her?) I think there's still a lot more you can do here. But what do I know? Brad |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
BRAD: The "male adolescent power fantasy" semi-comic effect was what I was shooting for with this. I left the wife's voice out purposely. Her reaction to the kiss, I think, was not really that important to the man in this poem. Perhaps he was more concerned about his honor than hers. I hadn't thought of that before now though, but I think it would be a fair assessment. You are right about my difficulty in direction with this one. I would like for it to remain a description of a man's delusional episode but if you have any suggestions I would certainly appreciate your input. ROXANNE: Don't worry. This one is pure fantasy. And I have nothing to be angry about. Chalk it up to testosterone and a bit of inspiration.  ------------------ Jim "If I rest, I rust." -Martin Luther |
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