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Guillotine
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Guillotine |
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Moon_stone Junior Member
since 1999-11-25
Posts 11 |
What under current holds me tied- Here with unknown emotions deep and dark. Half filled glass floating ice cubes Puffing clouds of smoke rigorously Bleary eyed motionless I brood. Scarcely a word was uttered Wits blunted by unforeseen forces Heart flutters furtively Waiting, minutes become years To be executed at the dawn. Christ! I am crumbling under solemn oaths. Never there will be companions of guilt. There will not be one more Good-Friday. What a pity I have to dig my own grave. A shame to the decency of the Dead. Scribbled sheets scatter all around resembling the thoughts Empty bottles, stains of red wine still wet on the carpet. Silence rules the world, a hand on my heart I hear a whisper, " Thou art the next............". |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I think you've got something going with the first two stanzas but the interjection of Christ doesn't really work for me (it may for others, you never know) -- I think that kind of stuff has been a bit overdone and the rest of the stanza seems like nothing more than slightly twisted cliches. I wonder if we all have written this poem or something like it at sometime in our lives. You do however have two strong stanzas in the beginning; maybe think about reworking this poem starting from those two? Just an idea, Brad |
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