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hating of an object
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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hating of an object |
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Cuddlez Member
since 1999-11-27
Posts 422Walla Walla, WA 99362 |
The hating of an object I hated that old truck It brought me the worse sort of luck A subject lughtly broached at first Quickly became an unquenchable thirst Instead of, I'll spend time with you I was left alone, sad and blue The truck needs help, fixing and restoring How could an heap of rust be alluring? That it was I'm striving to understand Alas, the truck is now your mate And I am a memory, an one night stand |
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| © Copyright 1999 Cuddlez - All Rights Reserved | |||
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femtastic Junior Member
since 1999-11-27
Posts 17Walla Walla, WA, USA |
you actually think putting lines down on paper makes this decent writing? |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Personally, I think you've got a decent idea here but it doesn't seem clear how you want the reader to take the poem. The idea and rhyme scheme give it a relatively comic air that never quite comes through (a light poem of course can be about a very serious subject, of course. I'm talking about the tone). Also, clean up some of the spelling problems, make it 'a one night stand', not 'an one night stand' (was that a typo or are you attempting to follow the written rule too rigorously?)  When you rhyme a poem, the meter should be more consistent than this, it creates a stronger flow. There is potential here but it needs more work. Just an opinion, Brad |
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Fairy Colours Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 169Sunrise,Fl,US |
IMHO (in my humble opinion) I don't think that your poetry was well written because it confused people. Poetry should be another way to express yourself and if it is... then it shouldn't be confusing ya know. People should be able to clearly understand the meaning of your work an what you are trying to express. Why don't you modify your poem and then re-post it? See what you can come up with A Little Fairy |
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