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Volcanoes
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Volcanoes |
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Willem Member
since 1999-11-18
Posts 139Inverness, FL, USA |
One of my other faces. (don't tell me I misspelled "faces") :-) Willem VOLCANOES Old fire mountain, so peaceful now, benevolently, patiently awaiting the monsoon breeze's whispered promise of feathered choirs, entranced by incense from a million orchids... I wish I could as graciously as thee contain the cruel fire within and turn my toxic ashes to precious stone and fertile clay, to feed a few more lives, and grow a few more flowers, and cheer a few more souls, before I must return, like thee, as dust to sea... by Willem |
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| © Copyright 1999 Willem - All Rights Reserved | |||
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
this wasn't exactly the type of poem that i like, but i do like the message behind it: you wish that you could turn your caustic emotions into some good thing. i think that's it. anyways, it's very noble.  |
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Willem Member
since 1999-11-18
Posts 139Inverness, FL, USA |
You read me, Roxane, thank you. This was indeed a bit of introspective musing, even whining. I wrote it in a nostalgic mood, as I was born and raised near an old, and almost extinct volcano... BTW, what kind of poems DO you like? Willem |
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Hyperion New Member
since 1999-11-26
Posts 7Corning, N.Y. |
Nice, I like it. Makes me think of new flowers or palm sprouts. Just coming out of the ground in the morning, all dew covered, tropical breeze, ocean quietly lapping at some forgotten cove. Yeah I like it. ------------------ Hyperion |
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Willem Member
since 1999-11-18
Posts 139Inverness, FL, USA |
Thank you, Hyperion. You sound like you have been in just such a tropical paradise. Ever written about it? Willem |
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Kenneth Ray Taylor Member
since 1999-11-11
Posts 139Duluth, Minnesota, USA |
I like your analogy. Your poem flows beautifully and makes generous use of alliteration and rhythm (my two favorite poetic devices). |
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Willem Member
since 1999-11-18
Posts 139Inverness, FL, USA |
Thanx, Kenneth! We both appear to judge a poem more by its sound than by its strict compliance with rules of meter, rhyme, line length, number of stressed and unstressed syllables per line, and other such formal criteria. For an experienced poet, most of these attributes come naturally, although he/she may purposely ignore some. That's an artists's prerogative... Willem [This message has been edited by Willem (edited 11-27-1999).] |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I enjoyed this poem (except for the use of thee -- if you wanna write an historical poem that's find with me but I am very much against anything that smacks of sounding 'poetic'. The art should be hidden and I'm certainly not alone in that sentiment). What I find so intriguing is the twist here of a volcano as something that creates life, not destroys it. I love reversals like that. Although I admit I was a little disappointed with the last line. Seems to me that should have more punch than the rather overdone 'dust to dust' stuff. Just an opinion, Brad PS Willem, just wanted to say that I really appreciate your contributions to this forum. Certainly hope you can continue. |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
willem, i don't know why but i have always had an aversion to poems about nature. it's probably a deep rooted fear from grade school when english teachers would pull out stuffy old poetry books with all this poems about gulleys, and swamps and animals, and mountains. for some reason, humans appeal to me more. i was once severely disillusioned when i read my first poem by emily dickinson. i was told that she was this great poet and so fascinating. then, her poem was about a snake in the grass- how nothing!! i asked my english teacher if there was some deeper meaning to it that i didn't get, but she told me that dickinson had merely written a poem trying to make the reader guess what the "long thin man in the grass" was. yikes. i guess that i've never fully recovered from it. there is so much talent exhibited in this poem, the volcano part just doesn't appeal to me. please don't take that as a criticism of your work, as it is not. |
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Willem Member
since 1999-11-18
Posts 139Inverness, FL, USA |
Brad: Thank you for your close reading and valuable critique, and especially for what you said in your P.S. You will know by now that I'm irreversibly into Scripture, which naturally echoes in my poetry. Fortunately, no one in this NG has sofar taken any serious offense to this rather personal flavor in what I wrote. Sometimes I manage to self-edit my work in order to make it more palatable to readers of more neutral literary tastes, but never so drastically that it would hurt my self- respect. Willem |
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Willem Member
since 1999-11-18
Posts 139Inverness, FL, USA |
Roxane, I understand your aversion to the kind of personification of natural things or phenomena that I based my poem on. In a certain way, it even contradicts my religious principle that only humans have souls. But I grew up in a country of magnificient natural beauty and was allowed to roam around freely there during my teenage years, so I learned to be very close to nature. It's all part of God's creation, including myself. Thanks for explanining your personal views on this matter. No offense, Roxane. Willem |
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