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Critical Analysis #1

Marina

captaincargo
Member

since 1999-11-25

Posts 109
Corning, N.Y. U.S.A.

0 posted 1999-11-25 07:43 PM

And her soft caress, in some strange way, is here beside me.
To keep lone watch of faith in love, of eyes unseen-pure, with earnest rings of promise.
Sigh no more my lady fair, and bind thy soul with mine. Though lifes road was oft ungentle and mean,
had I chosen other paths, your eastern light would neer be mine.

------------------
Cap. Carg.

roxane
Senior Member

since 1999-09-02

Posts 505
us

1 posted 1999-11-26 11:13 AM

i like this. it's soft and quiet, it's sweet. there's only one thing: why do you switch the archaic "thy, neer, oft"? i think that it was fine in the first two lines without it. one minor thing also, why did you switch from third person to second person? that can tend to confuse the reader. good luck with this.

oh by the way-welcome to passions!

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