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Critical Analysis #1
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YodasGhost
New Member
since 1999-11-20
Posts 8
Escondido.CA, USA

0 posted 1999-11-20 06:22 PM


Father time,
have you come for me?
It seems a line
is thrown to me.

The axe of Fate
has come my way
a final date
will make me pay

Your icy gaze
sends chills to the bone
Father Time,
have you come alone?

Laugh, laugh at you
dont ask me to dare
Your stony touch
dont ask me to care

Mother says
can I shed a tear?
for all this time, I just got here.

[This message has been edited by YodasGhost (edited 11-20-1999).]

© Copyright 1999 YodasGhost - All Rights Reserved
Craig
Member
since 1999-06-10
Posts 444

1 posted 1999-11-21 06:52 PM


YodasGhost

I stumbled slightly over parts of this poem although I think it is a good piece i would be tempted to make a few changes.

Sort of like this ( please excuse my clumsy word usage and editing ).


Father time,
have you come for me?
It seems a line
is thrown to me.
The axe of Fate
has come my way
a final date
will make me pay
Your icy gaze
could crack a bone
Father Time,
have you come alone?
Laugh at you
I would not dare
Your stony touch
am I to care?
Mother says
can I shed a tear?
for all this time
I just got here

This may or may not work for you see what you think.

These are only my opinions and subject to change at will ( especially yours )!

Craig


------------------
Yes, I admit your general rule. That every poet is a fool:
But I myself may serve to show it. That every fool is not a poet.



[This message has been edited by Craig (edited 11-24-1999).]

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