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napoleon and i
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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napoleon and i |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
crystal clear over the horizon on the sunrise waiting there long in coming, a dream for me driven mad, it does not care. have you seen it there aspiring, at this faintest light of morn? napoleon, it waits for me now. drowning past failure in its storm. ------------------ "Come night, come darkness, for you cannot come too soon or stay too long in such a place as this." Charles Dickens roxane |
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| © Copyright 1999 roxane - All Rights Reserved | |||
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
roxane...I liked the feel of this one, not exactly sure I connect with all the meaning though...am I correct in saying it's a poem about meeting your dreams head on, no longer failing? I guess where I loose myself in it is the reference to napoleon. Don't get me wrong, I do like this, would just like a bit of explanation on that one thing if you don't mind though. One other thing I might suggest is just to tighten up the meter a hair perhaps: crystal clear o'er the horizon on the sunrise waiting there long in coming, dream for me driven mad, it does not care. have you seen it there aspiring, at this faintest light of morn? napoleon, it waits for me now. drowning failures in its storm. Ruth |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Roxane, I missed this before (I know I'm not up to Brad's standard (lol) but I hope you won't mind if I say a few words). Firstly I know exactly what Ruth means when she says she likes the feel of the poem - I do too. The whole sound and rhythm of the piece reminds me of an old English Hymn, in fact if you give me a few days I can find the music which fits it perfectly (lol). It's a beautiful poem. Having said all that it has the same effect on me as your other pieces - I feel that I almost understand but not quite ...... kind of tantalising. I thought for ages about what the reference to napoleon is - looked it up - just got the French emperor. Finally I came to the conclusion that Napoleon is simply a friend or someone the speaker is talking, or if not that then the name the speaker has chosen to give to a dream? While I do think that the alterations Ruth has suggested improve the flow of the poem and its song like quality I see a potential problem in making those changes because some of the word alterations might significantly alter the meaning. So for instance the removal of the "a" in "a dream for me" potentially changes the word dream from a noun to a verb which could be critical to the meaning in what I feel is quite an important line. Also the removal of the word "past" in the last line of the poem, while it undoubtedly improves the flow, is a pretty significant word to remove, perhaps the line "drowns past failures in its storm" might help to get round this? A few other points all arising out of me trying to get to grips with the meaning I'm afraid  .The sunrise imagery and morn give the sense of a new beginning as if the speaker is looking for a new beginning. I thought the word "over" in the first line could be ambiguous in that I wasn't sure whether you meant over, as in below the horizon and out of sight - or over as in above the horizon as when the sun rises. Later on I think it becomes clear that you mean the latter so perhaps it doesn't matter. Then the reference to "a dream" leads me to think that the whole poem is about a person having gone through a very dark period of their life seeing clearly a new way forward the realisation of a wonderful dream. Is that right? At first I thought "faintest morn" conflicted with "crystal clear", but then I thought that crystal clear probably refers to the clarity of the dream whereas faintest morn is a reference to the fact that tho it is early the dream is still clearly visible rising high (aspiring - I liked that) above the horizon. The last line is wonderfully optimistic and confirms the whole uplifting tone of the poem - I wasn't absolutely sure about the word "storm" tho. (In other usage it can of course imply blackness and darkness and chaos) - in this context I think maybe you meant it to indicate power and strength? If I'm miles away on everything, just tell me .Philip |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
should it be an honor to have to explain my poetry? i don't know. let me try to explain this one. first of all it's an acrostic that spells out "cold hand". i put that in there to contrast with the speaker's tone of aspiration. the narrator speaks of this dream that is going to someday come for them, but there on the edges is this cold thing, that most are unaware of. i wanted people to notice it and wonder why it's there, because that is what humans wonder when struck down by fate. it is also a reference to "napoleon", rather a pseudonym for a man i once knew who had perpetually cold hands. he was the type of person that i told my dreams to, and he acted as though he was my accomplise, but he was the cold hand that held me back from achieveing what i wanted. this poem is a farewell is lack of confidence, a farewell to him. i call him napoleon for two reasons. 1) french history is one of the things that i am extremely interested in, so the name came naturally, and 2)napoleon was a corrupt leader, a genius, but now most people look at him with fear and hatred. the speaker may very well be compared to the certain french people, who may have at the time accepted him, but now as they see a new beginning dawning for them, will soon grow to hate him. make no mistake: this poem is in no way about french anything, but that is the metaphor that i've used. whew- i'm sorry for that huge and boring explanation. do you think that i should submit it? |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Roxane, It may not be an honour to explain your poetry  . I think I was sort of on the right track with the dream, but the connection with napoleon would have been difficult as this was personal to you. This doesn't change the fact that I really like the sound of the poem, but I'll think I just get back to cracking the Omega Code ... it's easier (just kidding ).As for whether you should submit it I am too new at this to be able to make any comparisons or judgements in that regard. I shall have to pass on that and leave Brad and Ruth to guide you ........ Philip |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Well, I titally missed the acrostic, not that it would have made any difference. I don't think in this case the acrositc lends to the poem as it is on a more personal note. As for should you submit it...I think that's a totally personal choice. The publishing world is a "dog eat dog" world and with any submission, you should be willing to expect rejection. I find I get two or three rejections for every publication and from what I understand, those are rather good odds considering. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I have a standard? I'm supposed to guide people? Come on, guys, give me a break. I'm just an opinionated, well, you know. .I think it's great that you are trying to get into a writing program. I'm thinking about doing the same thing (on the internet). What writer program's do is exactly the same thing this site can do only better. You'll get the criticism that I think we all need but you won't have time to mull over it because you've got that next project to get out. You'll also read a lot (someone said that writing programs are actually the English programs of today because English programs are too caught up in theory). Sounds like fun to me. Now on to the poem: I missed the acrostic as well the first time around. That's a good thing because it means the structure doesn't stand out to the reader. It doesn't read like your writing an acrostic (the art is hidden or something like that). I think the poem sounds great but it is hard to see the image. Maybe a little more punctuation in the first stanza to see how the second and third lines fit together. 'Dream' -- what can I say? I would try to find some other word or even better try to show us exactly what that dream is. 'it does not care' seems to imply that the dream, goal, whatever doesn't care about you and yet in your explanation, I don't see that (Did I miss something?). If you're going to personify the dream, give it a personality. 'morn' -- don't see any reason not to use morning there. The first two lines of the second stanza are very strong. Why not give us a little more here. Is it cold? Where are you standing? 'napoleon' -- ahh, now here's the tricky part. When you become a famous poet, people will research your life as to what you meant by that and you can smile all along. However, I would argue that at this point in your career, you might want to do a little research and find some tic, some moment in Napoleon's life (actually it could be the other Napoleon as well) that is not well known. Give us a little research and create a parallel between your personal life and history (I love that stuff). All in all, I have to say that I enjoyed reading the poem but want more development. You've got some great phrases in this poem give us more which will in turn give us more of the complete picture. I have cold hands right now. Does that mean anything? God, I hope not.  Just an (you know) Brad |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
You goin all self depreciating too Brad?! I've only been here for a short while and I can already tell that everyone loves u (lol)! .... "that's what I think anyway".. (pinched from Rowan Atkinson in "Bean" .. which is probably about my level ).Philip [This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 11-22-1999).] |
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Willem Member
since 1999-11-18
Posts 139Inverness, FL, USA |
Dumb question, but what does "it" refer to? The ship that brought Napoleon back to France? Please explain... Willem |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
i'm not talking about the actual dead former ruler of france napoleon bonapart. this poem is about waiting for hope, waiting for a dream, and recounting that to a horrible selfish man that i dubbed napoleon. if you read the above explanation, it might be a little clearer. thanks. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
No, you're not but a reader will immediately assume that you are (and yes it could be that pig as well). Use that to your advantage and take the reader in different directions. |
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