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| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Lost |
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pharon Member
since 1999-11-13
Posts 251alabama |
Where have I gone? You're no longer beside me. I need your guiding hand Leading me day by day. You showed me how to love And I gave you my heart. I said I'd never leave your side, Now look how far I've run. Why did I leave you? I still need you beside me. I want your guiding hand Leading me day by day. I gave you all of me And you showed me your ways. How complete I was in you, I needed nothing else. Please take me back. Hold me close beside you. Please be my guiding hand Leading me day by day. |
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| © Copyright 1999 maria g robinson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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pharon Member
since 1999-11-13
Posts 251alabama |
this is one of my earlier poems and it doesn't really rhyme - at all. i would really appreciate any advice. please don't hold back b/c there is no way i can move forward in my writing without the reality that i'm not perfect  |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Well, you've come to the right place. What is the purpose in this poem? No, poems don't always have to have very clear purposes but there has to be some general direction ('a general sense of foreboding' -- Elliot in reference to his poem Gerontion). Right now you've told me that you've lost someone (true or false is of little importance for the moment) but you haven't shown me who that person was or who you are. In some ways, poetry, I think, should be letting down every defense you have and showing the world (or getting people to think that you've let down all your defenses) what exactly happened in you life. I want to know your story and I really don't have any interest in putting myself into this poem (it's a technique that some people have used here and I confess I don't understand it.) What was the situation and how did the loss come about? Did you make a mistake? Is it separation through unforeseen circumstances or is it a breakup? Were the moments of freedom after the loss? Said it before but I'll say it again: show me a picture of your life. As to structure and rhymes and all that: I encourage you to stick with free verse (unless you want to move in a more structured direction) until you feel comfortable with imagery and so forth. Personally, I try to let the theme, idea, whatever work hand in hand with the structure of the poem itself. The idea for me is that the words and the structure of the poem somehow be able to reflect each other. No, I don't write complete poems everyday but I do write everyday. One more thing: these are just my opinions (subject to change at any moment and to my own inconsistencies). Other people will tell you different things and that's a good thing. Make up your own mind. Hope to see more from you in the future, Brad |
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pharon Member
since 1999-11-13
Posts 251alabama |
thank you so much for responding, brad. this is one of my few poems that actually rhymes and i am a lot more comfortable writing free verse. i was a bit timid to present a non-rhyming poem in this forum but the in the future i will. thank you again for your advice and input |
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